There is no “Maybe” in Life
If “the cat caught your tongue” was the word version of the illustration, the illustration would be Mu Hao’s shocked facial expression. Frightened when Mu Yu lashed out, he stuttered, “S-sorry, I didn’t know…”
Overcome with emotional turmoil, Mu Tianhe tried to kneel, only for Mu Yu to stop him. Nonetheless, he expressed, “Master Mu Yu, this old one is to blame for not teaching him manners. This old one is willing to bear any punishment you see fit.”
The apology and terminology that escaped Mu Tianhe’s mouth was an indication that Mu Clan wasn’t in any position to speak to Mu Yu as equals. Besides, they weren’t so dense that they didn’t know where Mu Yu was coming from or shameless enough to pretend they were infallible.
Mu Yu inhaled a breath of relief after getting it off his chest. “I want some peace. Lock Sikong Gaoming up.”
Mu Yu strolled off to where he first stayed at Mu Estate.
“Master Mu, the room this old one prepared for you is over here.”
“Don’t need it.”
That night, Mu Yu lazed on a stool in the courtyard, warming up his cold body with warm alcohol. Xiaoshuai and the dragon vine hoped from tree to tree in their routine sparring match. How nice it must be to be as carefree as them, Mu Yu thought. Their positive energy rubbed off on Mu Yu, neutralising the negative emotions that took Mu Yu by storm earlier in the day.
Mu Hao’s hand lingered an inch or so from the door for he was afraid after realising he was far from being mature and far from where he wanted to be. Mu Yu noticed the boy’s presence and knew the latter wanted to pour his heart out in an apology but lacked the courage to do so. After Mu Yu calmed down, he remembered that he was expecting too much out of Mu Hao and that he would likely have been equally thoughtless if he was in Mu Hao’s shoes, especially when factoring in the environment Mu Hao grew up in. Mu Yu wasn’t angry with Mu Hao; Mu Hao’s accusation just hit Mu Yu’s sore spot.
Mu Tianhe approached Mu Hao and tapped the latter on the shoulder. Mu Hao said, “Sorry, Grandpa.”
“Don’t worry about it. I know you want to apologise, but you’re not the root of this, so you’re not to blame. Head on back.”
“Grandpa…”
“Go on.”
Mu Hao had one last glance prior to departing.
Mu Tianhe heaved a big breath and knocked. “Master Mu Yu, may this old one enter?”
Mu Yu opened the door with a flick of his hand. Mu Tianhe wobbled to Mu Yu and passed over a book in a bowing posture. “This is the record for your five million spirit stones. Please double check.”
The sight of Mu Yu and wine pricked Mu Tianhe’s conscience again.
“… Just call me Mu Yu.” Mu Yu no longer had a bone to pick with Mu Tianhe from the moment the elder decided to change his ways. Mu Yu took the book and placed it on the table. “Sit.”
“This old one is fine with standing.”
“Sit!” Mu Yu had another drink and repeated.
Mu Tianhe dithered as he sat down. He couldn’t help stealing glimpses of his grandson whom he had yet to feel connected to. Neither of them knew what to say to each other. Mu Yu knocked back cup after cup, while Mu Tianhe didn’t dare to budge a muscle. There was no end to the wine as Mu Yu cast a spatial formation on it.
“Sorry!” Mu Tianhe broke the long and awkward silence.
“This old one h-”
“Don’t refer to yourself as ‘this old one’ around me. It’s cringey.”
Unable to read Mu Yu, Mu Tianhe wasn’t sure what to say. Mu Yu suddenly asked, “Were you the one who told Mu Hao that you would rather die standing than live kneeling?”
The question came out of left field for Mu Tianhe. He guessed what Mu Yu was implying and responded, “Sorry, I should not have taught him that. I fail as a grandpa. I value my pride more than I sh-”
“You’re mistaken. There is pride, and then there is irrational pride. When you split my parents up, that was your ego, irrational pride. You want everyone in Mu Clan to live the way you see fit. The same goes for you refusing to work as a steward. Pride is something we should all protect, but we should not let it grow into inordinate pride. Your pride and principles should go hand in hand.
“Long-story short, you haven’t wronged Mu Hao. Your sons are brave men. Given you were willing to kneel to Sikong Gaoming, it shows you have deflated your ego and place more importance on your family. You didn’t kneel because you, as you term it, have a spine. You are worthy of my respect whether you kneel to him or not.”
Admittedly, Mu Tianhe couldn’t understand Mu Yu. He conveyed, “I know you hate me. I admit I was wrong, and I will not try to cover it with excuses. If you want me to pay for what I did, I can only offer you my life. If my death will appease your hatred in some way, I shall end my life now as an apology.”
Mu Tianhe drew out a dagger and placed it on the ground. Struggling to even hike the corners of his lips up, he added, “If you don’t want me to live, I shan’t live. I know my death can’t undo what has been done, but it is worth it if it appeases you in any capacity. If you don’t want to dirty your hands, I shall do it myself.”
Mu Yu flicked the blade, reducing it to dust. “Why do you think I hate you? Is there a law that dictates I have to?”
“Y-you don’t? I separated your parents and left you without a home, didn’t I?”
Mu Yu smiled. “I have a lot of people I hate. It’s tiring, so I prefer not to add another to the list. I’m not homeless. I have my shifu, my martial siblings, my adopted father, Ku Mu, someone I like and people who like me. I have a few true friends, too. You made me an orphan. On the flipside, you also gave me a life I like. I’m satisfied. Why yearn for a life that doesn’t exist? There are no ‘maybes’ in life.”
Mu Yu poured himself another drink.
“Thank you for forgiving me. Sorry. I’m truly sorry.” Mu Tianhe bowed his head in gratitude, understanding that Mu Yu didn’t covet any change to his life. He rose to his feet and gave Mu Yu his back. “Mu Estate is yours from now on. Whatever it is you want us to do, you just have to say the word. I shall take my leave now.”
“You don’t need to apologise to me; you don’t owe me anything… I don’t resent you, Grandpa.”
Mu Tianhe flinched and spun around. “Wh-what did you call me?”
“I’ll lend Mu Clan a hand, Grandpa.” Mu Yu poured himself a drink in a bright mood.
Two streaks of emotional tears ran down Mu Tianhe’s gaunt face.
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