A Brief Absence
There was a big goose and a row of text hovering in the sky. I had my right arm around the goose and my left hand stabilising it as I took in the scenery of the land from the firmament. The morning sun shone straight through me as though it had fused with the nice breeze. As a result of crashing into the golden orb, I woke from my dream.
Upon hearing an uncomfortably loud, throaty laugh, I opened my eyes.
“Human, what is your wish? Is it fame? Is it wealth?”
“Peace.”
“As you wish.”
I stopped speaking and shut my eyes to return to my sweet dreams, but I picked up on something approaching – fast. I could make out what it was without resorting to my vision since I still had my other senses, so I didn’t open my eyes. It was a hairy, black, annoying, oily foot that hadn’t been washed for around ten days.
I rolled off the broad, threw my blanket from my left hand whilst picking up a shoe with my right hand. “Who is the naughty monkey interrupting this abbot’s cultivation? You want to taste my Buddha Palm?”
“Culti-your-mother-vate! Get up!”
Huh?
Still half-asleep, I licked the saliva at the corner of my mouth. I couldn’t believe the appearance I saw. He resembled the reigning Emperor, but he looked drained, had red eyes and smelt feral.
“Who is the monkey possessing His Majesty! Show your true self! You want to taste my Buddha Palm?”
Wait, why Buddha Palm?
“I’ll show you death! You don’t even recognise me anymore? To think I stopped him for you. You want to try my Nine Familial Exterminations Decree?! Huh?!”
I never imagined a day justice would be attacked like that.
This fiend does resemble His Majesty…
“Your Majesty, why are you in this one’s” – I stopped to look around to figure out where I was – “temple?”
“What temple? This is your tent. You’re still outside Nieyao.”
Nieyao… Nieyao… Where have I heard that before? Ooooh, I remember now.
I wrestled with Pangu in Nieyao to a draw. Pangu sequestered into its shell. I was dog-tired after exhausting myself. Bugger nearly killed me.
So I fell asleep due to fatigue… No wonder why I feel so refreshed now. Hang on. Why did I refer to my room as my temple?
“Your Majesty, what are you doing here?”
“I can’t believe you have the audacity to ask that. I’ve been waiting for you!”
Oh, boy.
“Your Majesty, please forgive this one’s bluntness. Have you fallen for me?”
Emperor Yuansheng placed both hands on my bed to push himself up, too tired to reprimand me anymore. “Listen: you are credited with quelling the problem in Nieyao. I, I… I hereby confer you… you… you…”
Thud! Emperor Yuansheng flopped forward, banging his head on the bed, then started snoring.
What the hell? You faking an accident? What are you conferring me?!
***
I tidied myself up with the stuff available in my tent in addition to changing my clothes. I presumed Emperor Yuansheng had someone freshen me up because I wasn’t smelly or dirty despite having slept for so long.
I didn’t espy anything odd outside until… an elephant trotted past me. My first reaction was to flinch as I thought there were mutated beasts running rampant in Nieyao again, but there was someone riding atop it. The rider wasn’t a martial artist or a soldier; he was a beast tamer, the kind who tamed them for busking on the street. There were also fox tamers, snake tamers, tiger tamers and the list went on. There was a small eatery, a mobile store selling herbs and fur… You’d find these performers and salesman everywhere in Nanjiang, especially in flourishing places… The quaint city walls and old-fashioned designs told me I was definitely at Nieyao, though.
Why are there so many people here?
“Okay, pull.”
Rumble! The wall I was just talking about crumbled down after something smashed into it.
“Move, move, we need to finish knocking the walls down today, you hear?”
“Yes!”
… This is Nieyao… right?
There were an unbelievable number of people active inside what should’ve been a ghost city. Furthermore, they were just ordinary folk.
“Big Bro, welcome back.”
“Tang Ye?”
The question mark was there because it was hard to recognise Tang Ye, though it wasn’t because I was still languid. He draped a piece of tiger fur over himself in crooked fashion, flaunting his chiselled chest and walked around with an iron fork…
“What?”
Ami-your-mom-tabha! That should be my question!
“What happened?! Did a tiger invasion take place or something?!”
“A lot of major things happened while you were asleep, a lot of which needed you, but since you weren’t available,” Tang Ye’s expression turned gloomy, “bad things happened.”
“Young Shiyi burnt His Majesty?”
“No.”
“Boss got into another fight?”
“Not that, either.”
“Xiao has finally lost what few IQ points he has and forgot his address?”
“Not that, either.”
Well, thank god for that. What are you even worried about, then?
“That said, all three of them all said they’d make you suffer for being so reckless. You need foresight.”
… Is it too late for this Buddha to return to his life-prolonging sleep?
“What did you need me for? Would anyone give Liu Shan Men grief with His Majesty around?”
“Quite the opposite. We’ve been trusted with important tasks.”
Wouldn’t have known if you didn’t tell me when you’re dressed up as a tiger.
Tang Ye raised three fingers. “Three major things happened – rewards, saving and building. Unfortunately, you weren’t available for any of the three, so Nieyao has undergone a major change. First, due to your absence, your reward money has been split.”
So all this news is bad news for me?! Why is my reward money being split? What the hell is the imperial court doing?! I fought a long, tiring battle, yet first thing I see upon waking is some weird old man and you in a tiger getup instead of Young Shiyi, and now you’re even going to take MY money?!
“Who’s so broke that he needs to spend my money?!”
“Sister Suwen took 80% of it.”
… What the hell is the imperial court doing?!
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