Farewell
“… Travor… I don’t want to force you or hurt you, either.”
Lucia didn’t do anything out of anger in spite of everything said. Meanwhile, the other elves behind her were already furious. She didn’t walk forward. I stood there in silence but couldn’t look Lucia in the eye. If I truly didn’t love her, I told her that I didn’t love her again. I couldn’t give her any chances or hope. Veirya couldn’t accept Lucia, and my life wasn’t a lame novel. All I could do and all I was willing to do was stay with one.
“Sorry, Lucia. If I didn’t know Veirya, I would be happy to be with you, but I’m sorry. As I have chosen Veirya, I won’t betray her.” I repeated myself to Lucia again. I had my head down, but I believed my voice was firm.
“Travor…” Lucia whimpered. “Travor…. You approached me with a goal, but I fell in love with you without realising it. Despite knowing that you lied to me to rescue Queen Sisi, I can’t find it in me to hate you. Travor, you’re so smart. Tell me, how I can fill the gap in my heart. What do I do now when my heart is in pieces? I don’t want to see you get hurt or hurt you. How can I win your heart, though…? I truly can’t do anything. I really want to have you by my side…”
I didn’t know how to answer Lucia, and I didn’t have any means of helping her, either. I knew how much she was suffering, but what could I do? My goal wasn’t to shower Lucia with bliss. If I had to take responsibility for any of the people I ever hurt, I would need more than one lifetime to make it up to all of them. I wasn’t God or a teenager protagonist hallucinating he could chant spells to vaporise armies. It was never going to be possible for me to give everyone happiness.
Life has never been perfect. There won’t be any addition in life. There’s only subtraction. You will be forced to make one decision after another until you’re left with the smallest part similarly to the logic of being caught in the jaws of an alligator. If you want your leg, you’ll lose your arm, as well. You have to severe your leg immediately to save your life.
I suddenly felt a hand squeezing my arm. Due to still feeling a weight on me and swimming in pain a soft and warm pair of lips made contact with me before I could react. Queen Sisi kissed me on my lips. I had no idea why she kissed me, but there was no mistake that she was right in front of me and that her lips were on mine. She was extremely close to me. In fact, her face looked fuzzy as a result of her being so close. I didn’t have the foggiest idea as to how to react.
“Should I push her away now? What does Queen Sisi want, exactly?” I mused.
After the kiss, Queen Sisi wiped her lips and conveyed, “See that, Lucia? This is the man you like and what he does. You wouldn’t be so naïve to believe that there would be such a thing as sealing a love with one kiss, would you? The number of human women far exceeds yours. They have superior bodies, are gentler than you, kinder than you and can always be by his side. I now also love him and wish to be by his side. But, see? No matter whom it is and in spite of my genuine and passionate love, there’s not a single trace of joy in his eyes. However, he would go to your place as soon as Veirya told him to. Because of her, he would go to the imperial capital do perform any dangerous task, and he can tell that he wronged you. He’s not someone who likes to toy with other’s feelings. He did everything solely for Veirya. This isn’t a fair war, Lucilia. Regardless of how much effort you put in, you’ll never win. Therefore, you should give up.”
“Travor, do I really… have no choice at all…?”
Lucia’s eyes brimmed with tears. She was the Queen of the entire forest. Every elf was at her command, yet she pleaded me over and over, hoping for nothing more than for me to be with her. I knew I hurt her, and I had told her the truth that I just used her, but she still loved me, nonetheless. She didn’t plan to get revenge on me or harm me. She was satisfied as long as I went with her. In spite of being the elven hero who fearlessly faced the Demon King, she timidly and pathetically pleaded me just to have me return to her side.
“I know that I should tell her, ‘No.’ Why, though, are my eyes stinging? I thought I can’t cry anymore. Why do I have such a strong urge to cry now? I know that I can’t be with her. Why… why can’t I turn her down now, though?” I mulled.
“Travor… Please… Please…”
Lucia’s tears drizzled onto the land where countless soldiers were buried.
I suddenly felt a cold sensation in my hand. Queen Sisi’s scent and warmth came from behind. She tightly held my hand and whispered in my ear, “Little Doggy, don’t let those touching and guilty feelings lead you into making a decision that you’ll regret for the rest of your life. Remember what your goal in coming here was. Don’t cling to this. You should be aware that sympathy doesn’t equal love and nor does guilt.”
I understood what Queen Sisi mentioned. I didn’t love Lucia. I kept on repeating that to myself. I didn’t and couldn’t love Lucia. I didn’t come to listen to Lucia cry and plead me. I came to break free from her.
I took in a deep breath and, in a sincere tone, repeated, “Sorry, Lucia. I know that my apology is absolutely meaningless, but that’s all I can offer.
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