Hi, Just Call Me “Handsomezhen”
Pleasure to meet you all. My name is Ming Feizhen. I’m but an ordinary handsome man. Just call me “Handsomezhen”. I know it’s been a long time since I’ve had screen time. You must’ve missed me. Thank you for the love. I love you all, too. Look, there was a legitimate reason for my lack of screen time. In case you forgot, I’m still a martial arts cripple!
The heavens wouldn’t respond when I prayed to them, and the earth wouldn’t reply when I prayed to it. I had been cooped up for so long that I had forgotten what a normal life was like. Once upon a time, I was roaming the world on my terms. Now, I had to rise earlier than chickens, lived sloppier than pigs, ate food worse than what dogs ate and toiled harder than donkeys. Can you comprehend how miserable I felt?
“Boss, here is your tea,” Young Tian Xiaogua said in a flattering tone.
“Put it there. Which tea is it?”
“Calendula tea. It is said that half a kilogram of the leaves cost more than half a kilogram of gold. This is from Sir Zero’s private collection.”
“Oh, grab me another two chests, then.”
“B-but you would not be able to finish that much.”
“That’s my problem, not yours. I can use it to soak my feet.”
Let us ignore the fool and continue with our main topic. Now, where was I? Right, my misery. I’m telling you: the days were too miserable for any human being to weather.
This tea smells nice.
I wasn’t miserable, you say? I was doing quite well, you say? That was for the sake of infiltrating their ranks. The fastest method of gaining someone’s acceptance was to stand on the same side as them. The luxuries I enjoyed would eventually be the miseries they suffered. Better?
White paper turns black if it’s soaked in ink for too long? Name me one orthodox sect member who truly turned to the dark side three years after three years on the dark side. You think I’m joking? That was because they lacked practice. You think my Mount Daluo pedigree and heroic bloodline can be contaminated so easily? You know how respected I was among the orthodox sects? Besides, Mount Daluo was still pure.
“Boss, your chicken.” Tian Xiaogua served up a basin of chicken.
I spat out the small nibble I had. “It’s overcooked. What do I mean? You know I am? I’ll have you know I’m a second rate newbie at Fiends’ Genesis’ new base. This is what you serve me? Prepare it again. Don’t serve me no chicken that hasn’t been simmered with shark fins for six hours.”
“You don’t need to personally trouble yourself with something so trivial. Xiaogua, you’re my favourite trainee. Get someone else to take care of it.”
“Understood, understood. Then, I shall…”
“Bend over so that I can rest my feet on your back.”
Young people these days.
As you can all see, they spared no efforts in finding ways to torment me, and they even made me train their new recruits.
I had another drink of tea.
To tell the truth, life at the compound wasn’t exactly enriching. I had to fight for it, but I managed to improve my quality of life; I’ll spare you the details. The primary change was my standing. The ordinary swordsman had transformed into…
“Doctor Wu, my chest keeps aching recently. Please help me.”
“Can’t help someone bound to die.”
“Doctor Wu, it has ailed me for many years. I feel I won’t make it…”
“Pray to Buddha. Hallelujah.”
“Doctor Wu, I have a stomach ache.”
“Crap it out.”
“Doctor Wu, I have a stomach ache, too.”
“Congratulations. You’ll have a chubby kid.”
“I’m a man!”
Aside from entrusting the clinic and dispensary to me, Zero also announced I was her right-hand man henceforward. My tasks were handling internal logistical affairs and working as the sole doctor on the base. At first, not everyone was on board. Therefore, I broke the legs of two guys getting rough with me and then fixed them up for everyone to see. I also performed acupuncture on Ouyang Xiucai and helped him get a problematic lady off him (I won’t elaborate on this since it had nothing to do with medicine). Long-story short, once they beheld my god-tier skills, I transformed from a swordsman into a doctor. More accurately, I turned into a doctor with a big heart and competent hands,.
“Doctor Wu, I…”
“You’re not sick. Next.”
“I gasped blood! Wait! I lined up for two days already. Are you sure you’re not a quack?!”
Yes, I was still searching for a means of escape. I had a vague idea, but my ducks weren’t lined up yet for me to escape. Since I had nothing better to do, I decided to “help out”. On one hand, I could reduce their fighting power legitimately and kill time. Two birds with one stone.
All of a sudden, the line at the door lost order. I figured someone had pushed in, yet nobody seemed to dare confronting whoever it was.
“Doctor Wu is booked out today. Come back tomorrow,” asserted Gu Xianxian. “You have a lot of patients here. I shooed them off for you.”
The person I want to get lost most here is you! You’re not half bad at fighting, but you’re ten times more of a pain in the neck compared to anyone else!
Gu Xianxian looked around and then whispered, “I need a favour.”
“It’s important, well, not really important. Just know that it’s an urgent issue I wish to consult you on. You’re helping everyone, so you might as well help me. I promise to pay you handsomely.”
I could tell it was going to be a troublesome matter based on the way he broached the topic alone.
“Well, I guess I can. That being said, as I am the consultant, you have to abide by my rules.”
“What are they?”
“Just four simple ones.”
Gu Xianxian smirked. “Forget four. I’ll abide by even ten. Go ahead.”
I counted off four fingers whilst stating, “Use as few words as possible. Get lost as far as possible. Don’t take any medicine. Leave the cash.”
“Are you a doctor or a highway robber?!”
Despite his outcry, the shameless prick still didn’t buzz off.
“So what is it?”
Again, Gu Xianxian checked all around prior to answering, “I feel like my wife has been behaving weird lately.”
Huh? That’s it?
“All the best to you two, then.”
“That’s not what I meant!”