Chapter 17
Risless had put her son to sleep with spiritual Qi. There was nothing she could do after saying something so embarrassing. There was a slight blush on her face as she looked at her sleeping son there in her arms.
What did I say to him? What did I say to him? Did I really say I could do those things with him? What does a wife do with a husband? Obviously I told him he could do that with me! I told him that? Why would I tell him that?
Risless got out of the bed and began pacing around the room, walking around her son who was sleeping. She was trembling and though she could simply adjust her state of mind, she seemed to have forgotten to do so. She glanced at her son in the bed, uncovered and completely naked as she had wanted him earlier.
If we did that, then maybe he might be happier. Wasn’t he always getting aroused when near me? I am also the only woman he can touch now without incurring the curse. Isn’t it true he doesn’t have a choice for anyone else but me if he wishes to experience those things?
First, we can slowly talk to each other, and when he’s more comfortable, he could kiss me… my first kiss… then we may have children and I could actually raise… no! No! No! Impossible! He’s my son, he would never think of those things!
A biological reaction is not the same as genuine love and even if his body is attracted to mine, it doesn’t mean he can accept those things! No! No!
We have to return home sooner. I can’t keep doing this to him or I might really lose it. I might make him do something unthinkable, even if it will give me an advantage… I need to find Elder Liu and tell her we will leave in the morning!
Risless took a deep breath. She sealed the room and left her clone there to guard Dong Chen’s body, then went to see Elder Liu in the middle of the night. Elder Liu wasn’t sleeping but was out floating in the air looking at the moonlight when Risless found her. It was a half moon and so the amount of Yin energy emitted was still in the realm where not too much of it flowed around.
“Elder Liu,” Risless had an apologetic tone.
“Did you go to far with that control?” Elder Liu asked and sighed.
“Yes,” Risless said. “You were right. I can’t do this to him and still think of him as a person. It’s too much to force his hand this way.”
“Good for you to realize that,” Elder Liu said. “You might have ruined your relationship with him after controlling him like that for almost two days. I don’t know how he will react when you snap him out of it. It will be better for us to leave for the sect tomorrow and have him go back to his room when you return and keep him there and see if there is a way to salvage it.”
“Will I have to apologize to him?” Risless asked.
“No, as a Sect Master you must never apologize to anyone, and if you do it must never be made known. Any apology by a Sect Master is a weakness, especially in public. Try to find a way to communicate with him.”
Elder Liu was concerned over the behavior Risless had. “Also Risless, watch your behavior. You aren’t behaving in the usual rational manner, and you haven’t been the same since Dong Chen came to live in the Sect. Your behavior has more to do with the effects of the curse more so than your actual love for Dong Chen.”
“How do you know about my love?!” Risless had suddenly screamed, then stopped herself. “I… I’m sorry Elder Liu… I didn’t know what came over me… I…”
“I already told you a Sect Master doesn’t apologize. Risless what can I do with you as such a troubled child.” Elder Liu went over and hugged her. “You need to pull yourself together. You have to really think about what you are going to do next. You need to consider what the Progenitor said about breaking the curse and you need to tell Dong Chen.”
“Tell my son? How can I tell my son that? He’ll think of me… as… he can’t think of his mother that way. I’ve already done so much to him today! What will he think of me? Even though I’m controlling him, he still will remember everything I’ve said… I said…”
Elder Liu let go of Risless, and her eyes narrowed at this revelation of words.
“What did you say?”
“I… I… I accidentally told him he could do things with me he would have done with his wife…” Risless spoke softly. “I’m afraid of what he will think of me. I’m afraid. Still, he can’t touch anyone else but me! That’s the curse. I thought that I was the only one left. I can’t think of it beyond that!”
“Calm down, Risless,” Elder Liu said. “You won’t be able to think clearly if you keep muddling up your thoughts that way. Stop being afraid of it. Even if you said that he went to sleep, he might think it is only a dream and if he doesn’t you could simply say you felt guilty over his predicament to where you lost control of your own rationality.”
After all, Elder Liu had seen this loss of rationality on over one occasion recently. There was a lot to consider. Elder Liu thought it could be the curse causing this bizarre behavior.
“I don’t know why,” Risless said. “Every time I think about my son the only things that come to mind are that I love him and want him to be with me forever. I don’t want him with anyone else. I don’t want him near others. He is my son and mine alone and he must never leave me!”
After saying those words Risless found it herself wondering why she said that.
Mine alone? What am I thinking? Do I really want to do that with him? I do. Don’t I? I want him… all to myself…
Risless was mulling it over as Elder Liu observed her own indecisiveness and inability to make a judgement. It differed greatly from the usual Risless who was bold and could perform her task as the Sect Master efficiently. The mask she wore normally would make her look intimidating, but it only made her look lonely and sad.
“Well, it’s clear that the curse has affected your ability to think in a calm and stable manner,” Elder Liu said. “It’s best we return to the Sect for now and think about how we are going to proceed later. Stay away from your son for a bit when we go back. Let me try talking to him and try to calm him down after this.”
“I… I will listen to you about this Elder Liu,” Risless said. “I don’t know what to do with him. I want to be his mom, but I can’t. I can’t…”
“It’s okay, Risless,” Elder Liu said. “It’s not easily a matter of what you can do. Parents always want the best for their children, and often it’s difficult to know what is best for them if you both lived such different lives. He is a mortal and you’re an immortal cultivator. Since your upbringing differed vastly from his, there are many things you would not understand about the mortal world or why he thinks the way he does.”
“I see,” Risless said. “So I was perhaps making conclusions about things I should not have.”
“Yes. You mustn’t make conclusions about a life you know little about. Dong Chen grew up in a mansion as a mortal. He had maids and a father who let him do whatever he pleased. He didn’t bitterly cultivate or fight like you did. He didn’t force himself to have a child like you did. He is not a cultivator, and he isn’t one who pushes himself further for strength. Even if he has the stubbornness required of a cultivator, you could say he is stubborn like you are, but when I raised you the only to relieve your stubbornness was not to control you. Oh, I remember, I had to let you fail enough times before you could learn the lesson yourself.”
Elder Liu hugged Risless once more.
“Even if you are not my child by blood, I still raised you,” Elder Liu said. “I am proud of you and I will help you find a way to connect with your son. I know you don’t want to do what is forbidden in your eyes. One day however, he will need to know. He is also going to grow up and even if he is averse to it, he will still need to know.”
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