I didn’t sleep well last night. I haven’t been sleeping well when I keep thinking about everything that happened. At this point I wish I never changed places to get this life. If I were back home I would definitely have turned down Charles, but at the very least I might have been able to get through school and get a job. I had good grades. I just wanted to live a nice slow life and be boring.
Instead, I’m the son of the most beautiful woman in the world who is also a Sect Master and who also has bizarre behavior because of me it seems.
Mom came in the morning.
“Son, mommy is going to take you with her whether or not you want to.” Mom tried to be firm towards me.
“Sure mom, whatever,” I said.
She seemed even more irritated when I said that.
Well, what do you want me to do? You want me to pretend to be happy in this situation?
A bubble encompasses me and I’m lifted to follow her as she walks. I can’t fight it so again… whatever. I just want to know what’s going on. Tell me everything so I can understand it. You’re supposed to communicate with your child, aren’t you?
Elder Liu was there escorting us onto a giant lizard with no wings. There the lizard took to the sky despite having no wings. No wonder I felt the Lizard needed wings. This is stupid. Seriously.
I’m in a bubble. I can’t enjoy anything. All the girls in the sect are staring at me as though I’m a loser. I say nothing.
Everyone is quiet in the presence of the Sect Master and mom was irritable because of me. Maybe I was the cause of this atmosphere, but it’s not like I wanted to be here. I was supposed to be married, having my first child being conceived right about now. Maybe run the business.
“Are you going to cooperate with your mother?” Elder Liu’s question interrupted my thoughts.
“Aren’t I cooperating now? I’m not fighting at all, but you’ve put me in a bubble and forced me to be this way.”
My words made the girls look at each other. Perhaps they might gossip.
“You can’t say that now when you said you would refuse to come. You forced our hand.” Elder Liu had a stern look.
“Then I’m asking you why I can’t just die. I’m serious about that. You say that the Sect Master, my mom would only be afflicted by sadness, so why not just kill me? Sadness is temporary then afterward she can go and live out the rest of her long life without me since I’ll die in a few decades, anyway.”
“No! You can’t die!” Mom suddenly said.
“Sect Master, please calm yourself,” Elder Liu said. “Your son is only testing your patience, he has no desire to kill himself.”
“Son.. mommy doesn’t want you to die, okay?”
Mom, really? Acting this way?
“Then can’t you just give me a bit of freedom or at least explain why I need to be locked up like this? I might be embarrassing you right now, but at this point I have nothing to lose.”
“Are you not afraid of dishonoring yourself or dying?” Elder Liu now sharply asked. “Children obey their parents and honor their ancestors.”
“I don’t have that sense of honor,” I answer. “Why would I have that sense of honor? The only reason I was born in the first place was because of a cultivation technique. Aren’t mother and father supposed to love each other? Mom didn’t even love dad. She kept her distance from me growing up. She didn’t see me except on my birthday. She didn’t raise me. Now, because of this curse, I have to come to this sect. Because of this curse, I’m supposed to just allow myself to be a prisoner the rest of my life? And the reason I have to stay from the curse is just because my mom loves me after she spent so long apart? How do I know I’m not being kept as some tool here? I mean, aren’t I just a tool for mom’s cultivation? So why should I go along? I have a mind, I’m a person… I’d rather die. I’m not even afraid of death, don’t you understand? You can torture me and break my mind then. Why not do that? Then I’ll always be obedient, but having to maintain this charade is not something I will go along with.”
“That’s enough!” Elder Liu used some technique and shut my mouth.
I couldn’t speak anymore the rest of the trip. Mom was strangely quiet, but I was somehow put to sleep as I felt myself getting unnaturally tired.
The Red Wood Sect Master greeted Risless and Elder Liu, bowing to them as they arrived. There were many servants who immediately came, but they noticed that there was a young man inside a cage next to them.
“Sect Master Risless, Elder Liu,” the Red Wood Sect Master greeted. “We thank you for coming to deal with the Giant Bear on the mountain. One of our Elder’s has already died trying to subdue it and even I am not a match for it.”
“Sect Master Du, we thank you for your greeting and it is in honor of the tribute paid to our sect each year that we come to your aid,” Risless responded. “I will deal with the Bear tomorrow.”
“Very well, we thank you,” Sect Master Du responded. “Tonight we have a feast and entertainment prepared for you.”
“I am not interested,” Risless said. “I am tired after a weary trip. I will rest tonight. Have my disciples and Elder Liu enjoy the feast.”
“Yes, Sect Master Risless,” Du answered, visibly disappointed.
“Are you going to abandon your formalities?” Elder Liu pulled Risless aside. “Coming to their sect, one must show them face.”
“I can’t show them face now when I have a son that is having all these issues,” Risless said. “I don’t know how to deal with him. If I go to the banquet feast, I must bring him along. He won’t cooperate and if he sleeps he too long, he will starve to death.”
Elder Liu sighed. “Tell him the truth.”
“I can’t,” Risless said. “I’m not able too. I’m his mom. I can’t tell him that.”
“Doesn’t he react when you’re close to him? Don’t you get flustered?”
Risless now suddenly glared at Elder Liu. She put a barrier around them so no one else could hear.
“Do not speak of this to anyone! That is taboo under the heavens. Are you trying to implicate me, my son and the entire sect?”
“You need to do something about this, Risless!” Elder Liu said. “You can’t hide from it forever. You can’t just let this fester, it will just get worse and worse. At least tell your son and if it’s too much for him, then accepting your fate at that time it wouldn’t be too late.”
“No,” Risless said. “My son is right, even when he scolded me today. I haven’t been in his life. To me he has only been a tool. He is only there for me because of the forbidden cultivation technique. I can’t tell him because that’s all he would be to me, wouldn’t he? Another means to an end. My son is a mortal and my fate is now tied to his. I want him to at least have some happiness before he dies. I can’t tell him.”
“You will not give him happiness if you constantly treat him as a child!” Elder Liu argued. “You’re just delaying his ability to make his own choices, and he’s not a child anymore. He’s a mature young man who knows how to read you. Even if he isn’t a cultivator, he already knows his own position. Your son isn’t a fool. One day he will find out and he may hate you for hiding it from him all this time.”
“No,” Risless said. “No. This is not to be discussed. My son is to live in blissful ignorance. Even if he is grown up to me, he is still my child and he will remain a child by my side.”
“Risless, I’m trying to advise you to the right path —”
“No! Elder Liu. Do not bring this up with me anymore. Do not talk to me about this anymore. I am going to take care of my son as his mother. There is nothing else to say. I will not say anymore about this. Be silent, that is my command to you as the Sect Master!”
The barrier was taken down and Risless walked away with her son still in a cage that she levitated with her. Elder Liu went to the feast along with the other disciples to complete the formalities.
She couldn’t stop thinking about Risless and her difficult relationship with her son.
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