Am I… Am I really going to be a father…?
I sat in one place, swimming in a whirlpool of shock, pleasant surprise and nervousness until the sun came up, yet didn’t feel tired or as though it was harsh. Angelina tucked Veirya in. Veirya was clearly happy, but also frantic, when she learned of her pregnancy. She kept crying and crying and keeping her hand firmly on her belly; even her voice was shaky. The two of us always wanted to have our own child but never expected it to take less than two months.
I always thought I was ready to be a father to Leah, even believing I could be a great father. When I actually had my own child and thought about how my child would gradually grow in the womb of the woman I loved most, I felt as though a colony of ants were crawling in my guts. There was nervousness, excitement, eagerness and panic; it took everything out of me just to sit in place. I was restless on my feet.
I was cognisant of the fact that my list of to-do things was going to be ridiculously long. I, therefore, figured it was best that I started preparing. Howbeit, I struggled to prioritise. I wanted to talk to Veirya, but she was asleep. Having nothing I could do worried and agitated me. I just wanted to do something to get myself out of my distressful state of mind.
It wasn’t just Veirya who couldn’t go to the South anymore. As a father, I couldn’t abandon my child’s future to run into the most dangerous place of all, risking my life for the prosperity of the empire. The biggest gripe I had was that none of my loyalty was dedicated to the empire. I wasn’t born in their nation, not to mention that it wasn’t a war that brought the nation down. I had no doubt Sisi was going to win the war; the only possible loss was some degree of damage. Things would resolve themselves even without my presence. Veirya and I finally had a child, which was our biggest goal. Would it make sense for me to abandon my wife in that situation?
People like to smoke whilst thinking for it’s easier to focus when there is something to direct your focus towards. Else, you have a tendency to be too imaginative for your own good.
I cast my gaze up when I heard footsteps approach to see Veirya coming downstairs, hand gently placed on her flat belly even though her pregnancy wasn’t visible yet. Veirya looked as nervous as I was. It was the first time I saw misery and struggle in Veirya’s eyes.
Veirya quavered, “I… I’m pregnant… I’m pregnant with a child…” Veirya sounded as though she had wanted to say those words for a long time.
She could calmly face off against an army of thousands, yet she trembled due to fear of the unknown. I didn’t know why we weren’t happy or tense. Perhaps it was because we had to deal with something we never dealt with before. And yes, we were worried in spite of our eagerness for a child. More importantly, we knew how important it was. Because of how much we yearned for our own child, we were more shocked than we were joyous.
I jogged over to hug Veirya and give her a kiss on the cheek: “You’ll be fine, Veirya. I’m right by your side. This is good news. We’ve always wanted our own child, and we finally have one. It’s good news.”
“Uhm…” Veirya nodded.
Veirya touched my cheek and hugged me tight, refusing to let go. Surely she wouldn’t want to separate from me when she was so nervous and worried. She must’ve wanted me to stay by her side. I presume all women, including Veirya, would feel the same way. I gently stroked her back. Though she didn’t say anything, I knew what she was thinking.
It was unbelievable that I considered going to the South to end a war that didn’t remotely have anything to do with me. I could ignore Sisi for Veirya. I knew that I didn’t need to think when I hugged Veirya because I couldn’t possibly abandon her. The ending should’ve been me hugging Veirya. There was nothing else to think about. There was no alternative. The entire world couldn’t compare to Veirya.
“I’ll be a good father.” Hand placed on Veirya’s belly, I assured, “I’ll also be a proper father from now. I’ll take good care of you both, Veirya. I won’t go anywhere from now. I’ll stay by your sides. Trust me, Veirya. I promise.”
“Uhm,” softly responded Veirya, with a nod. The two of us were enjoyed a moment of bliss until Veirya suddenly recalled something. She clasped my face and asked, “What now? Didn’t you promise. Queen Sisi. To go to. The South? Didn’t you. Already promise her? Are you. Going to try. And Lie to Her Majesty?”
“You’re pregnant, so stop worrying about that. I’ll go speak to Queen Sisi about it. Veirya, I’ll stay by your side.” I gently caressed Veirya’s head.
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