Departing in Despair
The final ray of sunlight on me vanished. I experienced the sun gradually leaving me. I blankly stared at the floor. All I know was that, in my hazy state, I thought Veirya came back. However, it was Angelina, who came back with a hopeless expression. I almost hugged Angelina, but she shook her head: “Sorry, I don’t know where that idiot has gone off to. I didn’t find her nearby. That means that she’s ran far away. Sorry, I didn’t think things would turn out this way. She… doesn’t understand anything, yet she ran away from home… I’m sure she didn’t go too far, though. She’ll be back once she’s let off some steam.”
I shook my head. I no longer felt pain; all I was left with was a despairing calmness. I didn’t know what I could do. I brought Queen Sisi back for Veirya, only for her to storm off in a fit of anger. I couldn’t find her. My fate with Veirya was sealed when she called me a traitor.
I already did everything that I could and satisfied everyone, yet couldn’t keep one person by my side. I was used to it. The same thing happened to me from as far as I had my memory. I’d try my best and repay other’s kindness to me. Alas, I would never receive any gratitude from them. In the end, I’d leave in a battered and torn state, while they’d enjoy it all with peace of mind. They’d even curse me incessantly. I was used to it.
I thought that history wouldn’t repeat itself in this world, that Veirya would understand me and that she was different to others. I thought my new life was different to the past. I wanted to treat others kindly. I didn’t mind destroying my relationship with Lucia to satisfy Veirya, but it still ended tragically. I expected too much from everyone.
I knew that I feared loneliness. The reason I didn’t sleep at noon wasn’t because I wasn’t tired but because I couldn’t stand being alone in the room with the lonely sunlight. I wanted to have someone who could understand me and always be with me. Even Leah said, “Papa, you went too far this time!”
I was alone again. Nobody understood me. Nobody knew what I went through while I was with Lucia. I didn’t have time to be romantic with her. My head would’ve been lopped off at any moment during the countless tests. Did I risk my life just so that I could be with Lucia?
“Why does nobody understand me? What exactly did I do wrong? If I loved Lucia, why on Earth would I have come back? Why not just stay there with her? Why would they suspect me of having a change of heart? Why doesn’t Veirya get it? What else does she want?” I brooded.
Queen Sisi gently wrapped her arms around my neck from behind. She leaned on my back. In a soft voice, she stated, “I’m still by your side; I’ll always be by your side. I know your pain right now. You want to go and search for Veirya, right? Go ahead. I don’t know where she is, but I’ll always follow you until you find her.”
I dawdled for a moment before quietly replying, “… No.”
It was just as in the past, except that it wasn’t me who left in pieces but Veirya, who left of her own volition. That meant it was even more impossible to bring her back. I didn’t know where to search for her, and what could I have done if I found her anyway? Would she come back if I found her?
I had lost everything. I no longer had a place to stay. All I could do was find a shelter as a stray dog would. I just rejected the elves. I could no longer return to them. As such, Queen Sisi was the only one I could stay with.
“Your Majesty, let us go to the imperial capital.” I spun around and continued, “Let us put you back on the throne. I am worried now that Veirya is not here. She is your biggest competition for the throne. If the military locates her, then the situation will become difficult to undo. Therefore, we need to head out as soon as we can.”
“I don’t care for the throne.”
“But I do.”
Queen Sisi froze. She chuckled: “Little Doggy, I have a question. What is your reason for wanting to crown me? Last time, you rescued me for Veirya. What about this time? Veirya is gone. Are you crowning me to give yourself a shelter?”
“No. Your Majesty, I am crowning you to prevent the military from taking advantage of Veirya. She does not have the capacity to be a Queen. If she allows her emotions to get the better of her and ends up being their instrument, her entire life will be done for. I am partly to blame for her departure. I do not blame her. Even if is the last thing I can do after her departure, I will ensure its success.”
Queen Sisi grabbed my collar and thundered, “She’s gone! She abandoned you! What are you still doing things for her for? What did she ever do for you to devote your entire being to her? I can do what she can, and I can even do it better. She’s left you. What’s the point of you doing this?!”
I pressed my hand on Queen Sisi’s: “Veirya never did anything to me. You are right. She is very stupid. She has no idea what love is. And she has left me. Even so, when I had nowhere to go, she was the only one who took me in.”
“But I can accept you now when you have nowhere to go, can’t i?!”
“Sorry, Your Majesty. This is not something that can be replaced. Lucia was right. If you leave a wound on someone’s heart, it is impossible to erase it.”
I brushed off Queen Sisi’s hand and shook out my clothes: “Your Majesty, you should get ready. I will call Leah and Angelina. This may no longer be as simple as I previously imagined. That said, one fact still holds true: I alone am enough.”
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