I don’t know how long I slept for, or rather, passed out for.
When I opened my eyes, overhead was a brown and silver cloth. It was quiet all around. Dead silent. The silence was particularly spooky. I had experienced such silence before. I had either gone deaf or I was dead.
I opened my mouth to call out, but I couldn’t make a sound despite my best efforts. I shouted with all my might, but I couldn’t hear anything.
‘Am I mute or deaf?’
“Oh, you’re up.”
Ling Yue pulled the curtain to the tent open just as I started to ponder my condition. She carried a basin over to me. Her ears twitched with excitement when she saw I was awake. She came up to my side and placed on my head a towel that she took out from the basin. I felt an ice cold sensation on my forehead. Ling Yue looked at me and clasped my face. I noticed her eyes were red, though her pupils had changed dramatically. I presumed they were tears.
“Ah, you don’t need to speak…”
Ling Yue pressed down on my mouth just as I went to speak. Voice soft, she explained, “Your throat has been damaged. You’ve… lost your voice… If possible… Queen Vyvyan should be able to help you once you return to the elven lands… So, let’s make a trip back… Let’s make a trip back to treat your throat.”
I sat up and touched my throat. Nothing felt wrong to me, but I couldn’t make a sound regardless of how hard I tried. All I could make was a hissing sound. It was as though somebody had slit my throat open, causing all of my air to escape my body. I looked toward Ling Yue, and she looked back at me. She swung her tail gently and in a muffled voice, said, “Philes has been sent back. His body was sent back to his home… So, you don’t need to worry.”
Ling Yue hesitated for a moment. Her gaze shifted side to side while she wagged her tail side to side, seemingly wanting to say something. I didn’t do anything – not that I could anyway. As such, I silently waited for her to speak. She hesitated for a long time. She finally bit down on her lip and looked at me with concern. She then shifted her gaze away and softly apologised, “Sorry… I’m sincerely… sincerely… very sorry to Philes and you…”
I looked at her in silence without being able to speak a word.
She clenched her fists and went on, “If it wasn’t for my wilfulness, this would’ve ended long ago, wouldn’t…? I was wrong. I shouldn’t have cared about Marvel so much… I made you lose Philes, because of Marvel… I’m supposed to be on your side… I was afraid of you betraying me, yet I’m the one who ended up betraying you… I… All of it was my fault…”
Her tears dropped down onto the back of her hand. She uncontrollably wept while quivering. I was a little surprised. I never imagined she had that much tears in her small body. I grabbed hold of her hand and wiped the tears on the back of her hand. She looked up at me with her teary eyes.
I shook my head then pointed at myself. She looked at me while continuing to quiver gently. She then suddenly grabbed my collar and leaned on my chest to cry out loud.
“Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!”
She wailed on my chest. I stroked her head gently and discovered my face was smothered with tears, as well.
‘When did I start shedding tears? Was I crying the entire time?’
‘I think that it was possible. I’ve lost my Philes, My Luna and my Mera.’
My tears felt so powerless now.
‘I won’t forgive anybody in the North and I won’t show any benevolence. They killed my Philes, so I must kill them no matter who they are or if they’re innocent or not. I’m going to kill them. Their blood can’t revive my Philes, but it can appease my anger.’
‘I am the flame of anger in the North. My anger is the solidified ice in the North. Only their blood can melt it.’
“I won’t say anymore or ask for anymore. You can do whatever you want, as long as you can obtain the victory you want. I won’t say anymore… I’ve already received too much from you, I… I… can’t continue being wilful…”
Ling Yue bit down on her lip tightly while gripping my chest tightly with her hands. I stroked her head, and then pushed her back to wipe the tears on her face. I then wrote a few letters on my hand. I wrote down what I wanted to do most.
I wanted revenge; I wanted to kill all of the anthropoids. I wanted to kill them immediately. I wanted to turn the North into a sea of blood before Philes soul returned to his home. I didn’t want to ask Mommy Vyvyan to revive the North with the elven spring water. I wanted to melt the ice in the North using the anthropoids’ blood.
However, I needed to return to treat my throat first. I couldn’t speak in my current state, and therefore couldn’t command my army, either. I was enraged, but I was very level headed. I was thinking very clearly. I decided how I’d bury the anthropoids, and I knew what I had to do now. Indeed, I was furious, but my composure triumphed.
Ling Yue wiped her tears. She got off me. She supported my back and carefully asked, “Can you stand?”
I tried to bend my legs, only to discover that all of my limbs were limp.
‘I only passed out due to sadness, so why am I so weak?’
“It’s all right. The doctor said it’s just a side effect of the drug. Let’s stay here for a while, and then head back once you’ve recovered.”
Ling Yue looked at me. She appeared as if she had matured a lot, giving me an odd feeling that she could finally be relied on. I had been taking care of her at my side the entire time, yet she started take care of me now all of a sudden. The switch gave me an odd feeling.
I nodded, and then shut my eyes. I felt that the side effects of the drug had yet to wear off. My joints were all worn out.
Ling Yue looked at me and hesitated for a moment before grabbing hold of my hand. She softly said, “Have some sleep… I… I heard lots about your past… Lots… You’ve bore a lot… This wasn’t your attitude, originally, was it…? You’ve killed so many people for the people around you, right…? That must be how you’ve transformed into how you are now…”
I didn’t answer. I had no means of answering; therefore, I kept my eyes closed.
Ling Yue didn’t continue speaking. She sat next to me in silence. She then took the cloth from my forehead, picked up the basin and left the tent. She mischievously poked my face with her tail before she left.
She left me with a final soft murmur, “Goodnight…”