Searching for the Duck in the Harem. Eighteen Subduing Dragons.
Long Zaitian sent Boss Shen back while I was currently sneaking into the harem.
I don’t want to anger the League of Assassins’ people, but I have to since they’re trying to overthrow the emperor’s reign. I still want to stay at Liu Shan Men for a while so I can’t let them overthrow the current emperor’s reign. Plus, the current emperor isn’t an eyesore like that idiot.
And thus, I have decided to help out.
But I can’t butt in directly since one, the emperor recognises me. If he recognises me here, my life of retirement will be over. Two, since Fu Xiang knows that I’m the master of Night Fortress, the other members of Mystery should know of the fact too. If they recognise me, their days will be numbered.
I therefore need some stuff to disguise myself so that neither side can recognise me. I pondered it over and over. The closest place from here should be the harem’s palace. I did guard the south gate and behind it was the cold palace. The cold palace is connected to the harem so I do know the way.
I galloped along the palace wall’s and listened in carefully to the sounds around to avoid running into a maid or something which would force me to use my Eighteen Subduing Dragon Gropes to resolve the problem.
Yours truly’s Eighteen Subduing Dragon Gropes has not been seen in the pugilistic world for a long time. I’m afraid people might start questioning its miraculous power.
I then heard a graceful whirring voice.
“You sure have guts, you scoundrel!”
Spare me great female hero!
Shocked, I quickly stuck to the wall and didn’t dare to budge……
The big issue was that this is the harem! Usually, even ordinary people would have to think carefully before bringing a girl into the room, right? The harem is filled with the rooms of females, like the empress, the concubines, and maids…… Every single place here belonged to females.
I’m not a player. I’m not so nice that I’d charge into the rooms of twenty females back-to-back……
But I didn’t see anyone come running out screaming “thief”, “pervert” and so on. I felt a little relieved and continued listening in carefully. I heard the voices of a few girls conversing in the flower garden from another side.
“I can’t believe them.” It sounded like a maid was venting as she complained: “These people are far too audacious, daring to barge into the harem’s palace even now. If General Manager Bai wasn’t skilled, they probably really would’ve barged in.”
Another maid piggy-backed off her and said: “Yeah, yeah. These people don’t know better, insistently claiming that the harem was hiding a criminal and tried to barge in. My gosh.”
I finally made some sense of what happened after listening to some more.
So not only did the orange prince lockdown the flying fish pavilion, control the imperial guards’ system, he even sent his men to the harem to search for the emperor. I’m not sure if their numbers were lacking or what, but General Manager Bai kicked them all out when they got here.
I recalled General Manager Bai’s beauty and big eyes that looked like they could talk. She was always talking but was very clumsy. She always blushed when she spoke even though nobody did anything. From the perspective of outsiders, she was a cold and blunt person. I’ll bet she looked violent and lashed out when she had to protect the harem. I couldn’t help but find it funny.
General Manager Bai protected the harem. What amazing skill!
I then heard the maid angrily say: “We have to stay here and bare the cold all because of these scoundrels! God damn it.”
“What are you complaining for? General Manager Bai said something big happened and not to run around if you want to live. In my opinion, General Manager Bai is cold on the surface but warm inside. She always scolds us, but have we ever been punished harshly? The other eunuch’s who hate women beat us up all the time though.”
“I guess you’re right. But now I don’t get to see Bai Hu Su Xiao’s performance now. Sigh……”
I froze up.
Another palace maid who was crushing on him said: “I heard Bai Hu Su Xiao is more beautiful than a girl, a young man that’s like a flower. I would be willing to marry him if he spared me a glance.”
“Pfft! Of course you would. He’s young and yet he’s an official already. What makes you think he’d have eyes for you?”
So Su Xiao’s cheerleading squad has come to the harem?
Su Xiao, screwing Liu Yuan over was enough. You really think it’s a good idea to make so many palace maids love-sick? Don’t go getting a concubine or something involved or even the emperor will hunt you down……
Afterwards, they were just gossiping about this sort of stuff. I didn’t loiter around. I continued climbing the walls like a gecko to get inside.
I operated with the utmost caution, listening into to the sounds around as I moved. I was tense like fledgling bandit.
Huh? Barge into a girl’s room to enjoy the beautiful sight? Young man, let a veteran educate you. You have to choose whose room you barge into, right? This isn’t the backyard of some rich family you know. It’s the royal family’s backyard!
Huh? They can’t catch me so what’s there to be worried about?
You’re too young and too naive!
The harem’s palace is different to the outside. You have to be careful with every minute movement you make. If you get busted, getting hunted is the least of your worries. If they remember your face, they’ll have posters of you all over the land. How am I going to live like that?
I’ll bet Night Fortress’s front hall will be filled with the seven white champion princes’ silk flags. On the left will be “Peaches and plums of the wind in spring shall be passed down era after era”, and on the right will be “The mantle shall be passed down. The whole world joins in the jubilation”. Then all my trash friends will come running over and wantonly send me blessings and every sentence in it will definitely have “Like teacher like pupil!” I don’t want to live bearing that blame into my next life too.
What’s more important, the lady or my life? I insist on choosing the latter.
In any case, be careful, and then be more careful. When choosing a room to barge into you must ensure three escape routes. It must be facing the main courtyard and there must be windows inside. Otherwise, your only way out when shit hits the fan is to break through the roof…… That sort of big manoeuvre is enough to bring the imperial guards who take down rebellions to come chasing after me. That’s just too arrogant.
I searched further inside and found a room. Girls have always liked to look pretty so there must be lots of makeup stuff inside. I just need enough to hide my face.
I suddenly smelt something nice. Hmm?
That smells nice. Is it food?
The thought of that made my feet have an itch to run to the room where the scent was coming from!
I started having fantasies in my head.
You’re a really fat-juicy duck. Your scent is nice and clear, while the faint fragrance hits my nose. I reckon it must’ve been soaked with a premium sauce, You were then grilled on low-heat just so that your skin was golden. Your fragrant scent was captured as it began to disperse in every direction. Then you were quickly chopped up so that your clear fragrance, crisp and tender texture can be maintained. Mmmm… and there’s wine too! On the left side of the table was a pot of exquisite wine.
I’ve got great taste! The fragrance of the duck and wine is faint. Now that’s a fantastic duck-dish on a snowy night.
C-Could that be the osmanthus duck dish of legend in the palace?
When I opened the door, the room was empty. There was only a plate of a beautiful piping-hot duck and me who fell in love at first sight…… It’s the osmanthus duck dish as I thought!
But then I realised that the only exit from this room was the main door as the other three walls were just white walls. This was the maids’ room.
Fuck! I can’t believe I have to suffer the most embarrassing thing a man could suffer. I meant going into the wrong room!
Cough, cough, cough, I can’t be stopped when I’m going fast……
Just as I entered the battle of the gods to decide if I should steal the duck and leg it, voices came from behind. My heart stopped beating!
One voice was graceful, the other was slightly deeper. One of the voices sounded domineering as she commanded: “This is my gift to the empress and Sir Zi. It’s best to have the wine and duck together. Don’t let it get cold.”
“Yes. I have placed them in the room. They should not get cold soon.”
The girl with the mesmerising voice then faintly replied: “Uhm, take me there to take a look.”
After that, it only took a few steps for them to reach the entrance of the room I was in. A hand was placed onto the door.
I looked at the solid roof blankly from inside the room…… Shall I break through?
The door opened slowly. Shit! Shit! Shit! What do I do?!
A ridiculous answer that was unbelievable surfaced in my mind: Eighteen Subduing Dragon Gropes.
*Eighteen Subduing Dragon Gropes is a parody of the Eighteen Subduing Dragon Palms, a fictional martial arts that appears in multiple Jin Yong novels such as the Condor Hero trilogy.