Son-con – Vol. 4 Ch. 05



I walked on the street with my head down causing me to bump someone aside. I didn’t know where I was headed or if there was any point in coming out here on my own. I was just furious, very furious. A fit of anger is meaningless.

I know.

I understand that.

But I don’t have anything other than my rage right now. Rage is a meaningless thing to Castell, but it’s the only thing I possess, even though it’s absolutely meaningless. It won’t let me have my revenge, but it reminds me that Mera once lived and gives me the courage to stand before any man.

I’m not going to let Mera’s death be in vain. When I left, Mera watched me leave from behind. You want me to give up just because I could be in danger? How am I going to look her in the eye when I return if I just give up?

But who else can I ask to help me here? I don’t have anyone who’s loyal to me here. The freezing winds blew on my face, freezing my skin as I walked down the road. Nobody will stop for me. I’m alone here in humanity’s lands, just as Castell mentioned. Without the empress’s protection, I’m nobody here.

Castell’s loyalty is devoted to the empress, and so is Nier’s. The only one who can stand by my side is Luna, but she can’t help me.

I stopped in my tracks. A huge helpless and lonely feeling hit me hard, blurring my vision. I rubbed my nose. I don’t know if my nose was irritated by the cold winds outside or the hopelessness I felt in my heart. Everybody around wrapped their overcoats around themselves tightly and left like birds returning home to their respective nests. I was left standing alone in the middle of the road like a spirit that didn’t belong in this world. Nobody paid attention to me, nor did anybody care about me. I just stood there, watching them hurrying along.

I rubbed my eyes to restore my vision and took in a big breath as I quivered and looked at the tall tower in the distance. The large clock’s bronze colour glimmered below the flare. The majestic aura of the huge church echoed with the palace as if it represented the location of the leader of the spirit of the citizens. The angel with two wings on the tower looked down at the people, is if it were fondly overlooking its citizens.

The elves have never acknowledged humans as the citizens of god. They don’t even possess mana yet they pray for the blessings of god. It’s a joke to the elves. The elves worship god because god can bestow them with miracles. God can bestow them with mana, but what about humans?

Humans have never received the blessings of god, yet they consider themselves the citizens of god. Humans really will do anything to put themselves at ease.

What a joke. They believe in god, yet don’t understand god’s will.

“Your majesty.”

A voice suddenly called out from behind. I turned my head around and saw Nier’s blank expression.

Nier looked at me calmly like she came to ask me to come home for dinner. She calmly said: “It’s getting dark. It’s dangerous for you to act alone. If you need to go out for something, please notify me.”

I looked blankly at Nier’s unmoving expression and took in a deep breath. I then decadently sat down on a chair by the side, let out a long sigh and said: “I thought you were here to call me back.”

“I am but just a bodyguard. I don’t care where you go. I only care about your safety.”

Nier stood before me with her hand placed on her sword handle. Her white cape shifted slightly as the wind blew. Under the fires lighting up the road, her emerald eyes reflected the flames, but they could not cover her lifeless eyes. The flames were destined to only burn outside. How can I get Nier’s flame to light up for me?

“Nier…… I want to hear your opinion on the matter…… I……. I…….”

“My opinion is to leave it to her majesty to handle.” Nier looked at me and continued in a composed tone, “I don’t know what’s happening with the church, nor do I understand the power balance. However, I believe you to be the most powerless existence in the palace. Without her majesty’s support, it is impossible for you to do anything.”

I smiled helplessly and then rested my chin in my hands, keeping silent for a long time.

Mera was right. Both power and determination are necessary. When I killed her, I had both determination and a sword, so I could hold her corpse. But I only have meaningless rage right now. I wanted to get to the bottom of the matter, but I couldn’t even enter the church.

“What if I still want to investigate it?”

“Then I shall investigate it with you.”

Nier looked as calm as usual.

I placed my hands supporting my face down, looked at Nier and said: “You might die.”

“I already told you, I don’t care where you want to go, protecting you is my duty. If you are in danger, I will definitely protect you. If you die, I will have failed in my duty, and I shall commit suicide to apologise.” Nier looked at me casually and continued, “That is but just a suggestion. If you insist on continuing forward, I shall follow you. Or rather, I admire your courage. While courage cannot solve problems, not everybody can be courageous.  One who is courageous would be more admirable even if he were to perish.”

I looked at Nier. Her expression didn’t change. However, I could feel that Nier’s attitude towards me had eased up a lot. Perhaps Valkyries pursue courage. Nier won’t say anything to me, but she’s always by my side to protect me. Perhaps I can put my faith in her for this month.

“Nier, what do you think I should do?”

Nier looked at me and replied: “Do what you think is right. I am not responsible for strategizing for you. I am only responsible for ensuring your safety while you do what you believe is right.”

I looked at Nier’s gaze, smiled helplessly and said: “You’re different to Castell……”

“Well, I couldn’t ask for anything more than to see your corpse at the end of the street.”

I chuckled and stood up. I looked at Nier, pat her on her shoulder and said: “Thank you, Nier…… I get it now. I will do what I think is right. I hope you’ll be able to protect me during this time. I think I’ll need to rely on your more in the future.”

Nier knocked my hand away without any reluctance and said: “Yeah? I just hope that you won’t show kindness to someone who tries to kill you, and make me sheath my sword after I’ve drawn it.”

“I won’t.”

I turned my head around, looked at the angel overwatching us on top of the church, and clenched my teeth. Perhaps the angel statue on this side represented their so-called redemption and holiness. I’m not convinced that they have no involvement in Mera’s death. Castell didn’t tell me anything, but he did tell me the most important thing. And that is if the church is involved, it will be a complicated matter. Since it’s complicated, I’ll have to go and clear up the clue I have.

I don’t care if this is the last thing I do. I’ll bring the truth to light for Mera. I’m not backing down.

I will not back down this time. I’m determined this time.

With my back facing Nier, I sternly said: “I never will again.”

“Understood.”

Nier replied from behind like usual. I thought I couldn’t do anything at first, but Nier is now standing behind me. I’m not alone. When the going gets tough; when I’m most powerless and hopeless, standing behind me will be Nier’s lone, but proud silhouette.

My loneliness is despair, but Nier’s loneliness is her greatest pride.

 

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