Ming Feizhen’s Real Life of Retirement
Just as I was getting to the good part of my dream while lying in bed, Somebody’s violent and high-speed knocking on my door ended my beautiful dream. The door to my small room was being knocked on so loudly you could hear it from heaven.
There’s only one person who’d do this sort of thing.
“Su Xiao! What are you doing?!” I opened the door knowing it was him, and there he was, the cute little Su Xiao who looked like an angel looked at me with his round eyes. But something looked off.
“Huh? Why’s your face dirty? Wait, no. Why are you dirty from head to toe?”
“Because of you of course! Come here!” What’s going on? Shouldn’t I be the one that’s mad here?
Su Xiao dragged me into the courtyard and pointed at an invoice: “This is an invoice for green bamboo leaves and a feast. Why is it fifty dollars?”
Fuck… What the hell happened here?
“Hmm, could they have made a mistake?” I only ate a table worth of dishes. There was no braised pork shoulders with soy sauce feast. Were the ten extra jugs of green bamboo leaves that expensive?”
“And also, where did you go yesterday?”
Su Xiao widened his big bright eyes and looked at me who was guilty. He looked like a newlywed wife finding fault with her husband as he sniffed me and said: “Yuck! You reek of alcohol!” Su Xiao blocked his small white nose, “How did you manage to return after drinking that much?”
“Well, uhh…” What reason should I give him? The village chief knows I was investigating the case when I went to the Peach Village, so I shouldn’t come up with something too far-fetched. “Hmm… I left because I had a job to complete.”
Su Xiao drummed his face and said: “Brother Ming! You’re lying to me!”
This kid found his brain again?
Su Xiao angrily said: “The shopkeeper asked me to pay the bill as soon as I woke up! Neither you or Tang Ye were there. How dare you lie!”
Oh that’s right. I fought with Tang Ye last night and took him home when he was a nuisance. I ended up forgetting about Su Xiao back at the restaurant.
“Tang Ye and I had work to attend to. What’s a kid like you being so nosy for?”
“You… You, you!!”
Su Xiao looked at me with disbelief.
“Why Tang Ye?! Didn’t you say we were closest?!” Su Xiao stamped his feet with all his might, and continued: “Why did you leave?! We were drinking together, and then you and Tang Ye ran off after I got drunk. What did you guys go do?”
Hey, hey. Don’t start making things up now. What do you mean we “ran off”?
As soon as Su Xiao finished his sentence all our colleagues at Liu Shan Men, even those we don’t usually see filed out like all my family in friends from multiple different villages came to visit.
Hey, hey, hey! What are you people here for?
I think I faintly heard something about “he’s moved on”, “love triangles” and the sort.
HEY! THERE’S NO YAOI* HERE!
I quickly turned back to Su Xiao and glared at him.
“Don’t shout so loudly, you idiot!”
Su Xiao froze up when I called him an idiot. Then his eyes turned red, and finally his eyes welled up with tears.
“You clearly lied to me and yet you’re scolding me! I will shout. What did you and Tang Ye go off to do last night? Why did you run off with Tang Ye in the middle of night?! Why did Tang Ye say that his backside was in pain this morning and couldn’t get up?! Hmph…”
Oh. My. Fucking. God!!!
Don’t go crapping out of your mouth!! I’m going to fucking strangle you!!
The crowd seemed to have grasped an important clue which helped shed light on our love triangle for them. I could virtually see the words in their mind flowing across my eyes.
The crowd instantly broke into gossip.
“I knew they were cheating!”
“This is why you have to be cautious when in a homosexual relationship. There’s no room for a third party in a homosexual relationship. It’s different to our situation. We can have concubines.”
“Ming Feizhen is so manly, the other two might be his harem. Crap, don’t even try considering us. Let’s go, let’s go!”
Are you guys really guards at a government office? How are you so damn imaginative?!!
You even called my thing manly. And now you’re running off after poisoning me?
I covered Su Xiao’s mouth.
Because he couldn’t get enough oxygen, he started panting, which only further fed the crowd’s imaginations.
Just what makes you people think that way?
A guy dressed as a young master then showed up. It was Liu Yuan.
Liu Yuan shouted: “Let go of him! Ming Feizhen, you bastard! You cheater. Why are you clinging to my Su Xiao when you’ve already got yourself Tang Ye?”
I’m not gay like you!
I had no choice and quickly let Su Xiao go. However, I stayed alert in case he started belting nonsensical stuff again. I had to keep him within arms-reach so I wrapped an arm over his shoulder.
Su Xiao leaned his limp body against mine and said: “Br-brother Ming… You almost suffocated me…” I gently held him. And I have to say, his weak posture looked quite feminine. In fact, he felt like a girl… Wait. What the fuck am I saying?!!
Captain Song who was worried looked at us strangely, cleared his throat and said: “Feizhen, you’re young, so I understand. But… Look at where you are.” He then muttered: “Discuss this sort of stuff at home.”
He then wore a big brother looking after his younger brother look on his face and pat me on the shoulder as a sign of encouragement.
What’s that mean?
Hey, hey, hey. You’re severely misunderstanding things here.
Wait, let me put Su Xiao on the ground before you leave.
The very tactful Captain Song gave me a wink to say: “Leave this place to me, you guys hurry and leave.”
“Leave now everybody, don’t waste your time here.”
But it really isn’t what you think!!!
“Huh? Boss? When’d you get here?”
Boss Shen looked at me as if she were looking at something dirty and said: “In future… Just send me written reports. Actually, you speak and get someone else to write for you.”
What the fuck! Is she worried of me spreading something?!
Is she taking precautionary action against an infection?!
“Oh for fuck sakes, listen to me!!!”
Far out my retired life is like one big trap!!
*Japanese word for homosexual
Volume 1 END