Keeping Queen Sisi Company
I don’t know how much time had passed or what the state of things was. It was pitch black all around. I couldn’t tell if it was day or not. The garish red curtains overhead were of a design where there were long sections. I had woken up, but my body was still weak, and I felt light-headed. I silently watched the bed curtain rotate. Perhaps I was too weak to even feel sad that I was particularly calm. It was silent in the vicinity. If that was how death felt, it was the exact stillness that I was after.
I inhaled slowly and deliberately. There was a faint aroma in the warm room that eased my mind. I couldn’t name what the fragrant was, nor did I know what its source was. Either way, I couldn’t help myself from taking in big breaths of it. If angel’s existed, that was probably how it felt in an angel’s embrace.
I shut my eyes slightly and slowly recalled what happened. People say that one may lose their memories or even die after suffering from a big blow. By the looks of it, I didn’t have the right to die. I silently recalled what I did, what I needed to do, why I needed to do those things and what Veirya did. I remembered it all despite the aching sensation in my heart. I could remember it all. Every. Single. Thing.
I contemplated, “Why do I remember everything? Why can’t I lose my memory? Losing their memories may be hell to others, but my memories torment me. Despite my age, I barely have any memories worth reminiscing. I’m fine with losing my memories. It would be an escape from the torment to me, after all.
“If this is fate, why does it keep treating me this way? It’s always treated me this way. Everything I love and cherish leaves me in the end. Why can’t fate be a little nicer to me for a change? Even just a short while would do. I still believed that things would turn out for the better every time. Nobody in this world suffers forever, but why is my life full of misery forever? Again and again and again I’ve been abandoned and hated. I’ve never received anything in return for my efforts. Why is it always this way?”
My eyes sort of stung. I wanted to wipe my tears with my hand. The Elven Queen wasn’t with me. I still didn’t have the chance or right to cry. I had to hurry and finish what I left undone. I needed to reinstate Queen Sisi, take care of Leah, and… and…
“Does… Veirya still need me? She doesn’t, does she…?” I couldn’t bring myself to ask.
I desperately wanted to lift my arm; however, it felt as though my arm didn’t belong to me no matter how I tried.
“What now? I wasn’t knocked out with an explosion. Veirya triggered me enough to make me pass out. I couldn’t have lost an arm as a result of that now, could I? It sounds ridiculous. How could someone break an arm of mine? Also, I’ve broken a leg, so it’s not as if I can’t accept losing an arm,” I griped inwardly.
I raised my head and struggled to look to my left arm. My right arm was still attached. My left hand was covered under a few strands of dark hair. I started to panic a little but quickly calmed down after. Veirya had silver hair. This was burgundy hair. Perhaps that was the origin of the aroma I smelt. I shifted my gaze to see Queen Sisi sleeping with her head on my arm, curled up as small ball. She pulled two chairs over to the bed to form a makeshift bed. She didn’t even have a mattress or blanket, let alone a mat; all she had was my thin cloak. The Queen who stood above all looked so petite and pitiful in front of me.
When I was downhearted, there was someone who continued to stay by my side in spite of me having rejected her time and time again. I thought she was just wilful and impulsive in the moment when she declared she’d stay by my side forever. She was the Queen. I thought that she could never give up her throne and past, but she still stayed by my side.
It had always been me who stayed at others’ sides. It was always me making the promise to stay with them. For the first time ever, someone was willing to stay with me. I gave everything I had to others. For the first time ever, there was someone next to me when I woke up who wasn’t my adopted daughter, albeit not being the woman I loved.
When one is lonely enough, they’ll be more susceptible to falling in love. I couldn’t pull my hand out; I didn’t want to, either. I solemnly admired Queen Sisi’s quiet and gentle sleeping face there, which was totally different to how she was before. In the past, I always put her on the throne as a Queen and considered what to do or how to go from there. I never considered her an ordinary human. Perhaps Sisi was even more timid than Veirya.
“Veirya no longer needs me. Veirya… Vierya… The Veirya who I loved… no longer needs me… That’s what she said. She no longer needs me… I no longer had somewhere I belonged to. I couldn’t explain myself in time because I lost what connected us. Maybe she’s lost all hope in me now.
“Does Queen Sisi still need me? Queen Sisi still wants me to be by her side. She’s willing to stay by my side. Should I also choose to be by her side, too, then? Is there anything bad about Queen Sisi? Is there something about her that makes her a better fit for me compared to Veirya? I’ve never been picky. I’ve never had the right to choose. What do I need to do at Queen Sisi’s side?” I asked myself.
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