Liu Shan Men and the Three Departments – Helping a Dragon Evolve into a Sovereign
I didn’t have anything to say. Grandmaster’s divinations had a one in five chance of coming true at best. Nobody could say with absolute certainty that he was right. Up until this point, I still didn’t know what he meant by “Be careful of women… and men”. In this case, though, Wudang and Shaolin’s patriarchs came to the same conclusion. Hence, it was more credible. That being the case, the Emperor had sound reasons to be so superstitious about it.
If I was to be honest, I was fairly convinced the three old geezers colluded to dupe the Emperor… but I couldn’t identify a motive for them to take it so far. If the prophecy held true, the nation would be plunged into absolute chaos with the six Princes contending for the throne. In turn, my salary from Liu Shan Men would be doomed. Seriously, the nation’s future was worrisome.
I reminded myself, “I need to go to Eight Deities Tavern in a second! Wait for me, my pork shoulders!”
“What about the other letter?”
“That’s your shifu’s letter to you.”
“Hmm?” I blinked several times. I doubted my ears. When it finally registered, I exclaimed, “Shifu? Oh, so he does remember to write me letters!”
The son of a beep dumped Jingan’s mess on me, and then took off to go enjoy himself. I searched and searched to no avail!”
“When I wrote the letter to Mount Daluo, I wrote one to your shifu, our patriarch,” said Young Shiyi, shyly yet charmingly.
“I told him… I was staying with you at Liu Shan Men and asked for his opinion.”
“Huh? S-Staying with me at Liu Shan Men?!” I exclaimed to myself.
Without looking at me and forcing herself to sound composed, Shiyi said, “You’re a junior, so it would be hard for you to bring it up with your shifu. It’s only reasonable for me to notify the sect, since I’ve joined Liu Shan Men, right?”
While she said that, there was a “I wasn’t helping you” undertone. I was unexpectedly touched. Shiyi was aware that I was always in a tough position when I had to speak to Mount Daluo. I chose not to lead the clan and wanted to slack off, so I actually let the sect down in many ways. For that reason, Shiyi spoke up on my behalf to keep me by her side.
…
‘Wait. So, Shifu learnt what Shiyi and I were thinking while I was occupied with daydreaming about pork shoulders and wrote back?’
I quickly opened the envelope. It was unmistakably his handwriting. His handwriting resembled the text on plaques at brothels. Actually, fuck me, there was even the scent found in brothels. I had no idea where he penned it from, but I held it outstretched as far as I could to read. The last thing I wanted was to contract some disease.
I thought Shifu would give me a scolding; however, he penned a classic Ming Huayu letter… Utter. Garbage…
The first thing Shifu asked me if I was married yet or not, when I’d pay Grandmaster a visit, not to touch Young Shiyi’s buttocks despite her being gorgeous and whatever…
“What sort of concerns are these?! How could I possibly…” as I thought that, my eyes sneaked over to Young Shiyi’s perky, yet supple, buttocks and then up to her round globes. My heart suddenly thumped.
Shiyi looked up. I think she read my mind, but she didn’t avert her gaze. Instead, she straightened up to flaunt her body in all its glory. Her mischievous facial expression asked, “Do I look good?”
I instinctively nodded, and then realised it was the wrong thing to do, so I shook my head, causing Shiyi to giggle giddily.
I stuttered, “Wh-What are you laughing at?”
Chin resting on her white cheek, she smiled naively: “I like to laugh. Don’t I look good when I laugh?”
My mind: “V-Very…”
“Also, I already read your shifu’s letter.”
‘I knew it! You were teasing me, weren’t you! You made my face all red… Tease me again, and I’ll give you a spanking!! Wait… Why does it seem as though Shifu was right…?’
I dryly coughed, and then returned to reading the letter. I still didn’t see a single thing pertaining to Young Shiyi staying in Nanjing. Instead, Shifu mentioned another important issue that surprised me: “Huh? He wants us to dedicate all our efforts into helping a dragon in Nanjing become the Crown Prince? What’s he on about?”
To end the letter, Shifu told me to have Second Brother, Young Shiyi and I discuss which of the Emperor’s sons to assist in the contention for the throne. He sternly warned not to waste opportunities, mentioning Mount Daluo’s principle in the martial world.
Young Shiyi gazed at the ceiling and said, “Read it to the end.”
I flipped the letter around and noticed a small attached note on a separate sheet of paper. In the tone of a teacher, he wrote a secretive letter that went as follows:
“Twerp, you’re all the shit now after a few years, huh? Your Young Shiyi is my Shiyi. Are you eager to be my martial uncle? As punishment, I’ll cane you ten thousand times when you come back. That said, you are old now. I am now sixty lots of years old now. You would be a failure of a disciple if you didn’t given me a martial grandchild. Moreover, if she doesn’t get married already, she’s going to be too old to marry. My shifu and your shiniangs are going to call me a failure again if you don’t get your act together.
You know, I found several candidates for your Young Shiyi over these years, including Beijiang’s Prince, the Seven Champion White Princes’ successor, Nanjiang’s tribe’s young master, but they all looked ugly as demented animals. They also had sons, but they were rich enough to still be wealthy after spending lavishly for ten lifetimes. Unfortunately, she didn’t like any of them. She insists on choosing you.
I asked myself, ‘Could my disciple possibly be worse than them even if he was more useless than he already is?’
I’ve always been horrible with unnecessary and excessively elaborate formalities and pleasantries. If the deal is sealed, I won’t waste time on more meaningless comparisons. You want to score your Young Shiyi? Fine. Nice going. God didn’t give you an extra toy in your pants to play with it on your own. Still, we need to set things clear between all of us due to our relationship.
Your grandmaster treats your Young Shiyi as the most precious treasure in the world; she’s no different to a daughter to him. You remember the incident with Jade Raksha? That devil was considered the evilest devil across the Three Parallel Rivers. Jade Raksha only touched your Young Shiyi’s hair that time, and your grandmaster led every martial sibling, including me, to his place. Remember how we exterminated his entire clan within the eight hours after he touched her. The pugilistic world still mistakes that we did it to punish evil.
I’m not afraid of helping you. I’ll help you hide it from your grandmaster for a year. Do your best this year to produce some results, hehehe. Seal the deal, bring back two little chubby boys, and I’ll be elated, %*@#!”
Then it just became a mess. Further down, somebody else piggy backed off where Shifu left off.
“Feizhen, I’m your senior shiniang. Your second and third shiniang are around, as well. Are you doing well?”
My reaction in my mind: “Shiniang?! What happened during the mess?! Oh, my shiniangs must’ve caught Shifu at a brothel! He must’ve been trying to write with swollen eyes!! I told you not to go there! The hell was that bullshit about sealing the deal?! You copped a beating because you didn’t watch your mouth, I bet!”
Shiniang added: “We all know about you and Suwen’s matter. We will help you hide it from your grandmaster.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was quite touched…
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