I never thought we’d go through what Tarak described right away. We dragged the corpses to another spot and buried them before setting up our camp. We have the dead to thank as they helped set up a prototype camp for us. We lost one man. He unfortunately passed away after being hit with a bullet during the battle while another got hurt and fell to the ground. The injured one made me feel worse than the one who died because I had to send another two to escort him out of the desert. That means I just lost four men over the one battle. Though our losses were more than acceptable and it was an excellent battle, I lost my elites. That made me really sad.
I did say that I didn’t have back-up. I don’t have a large group of substitutes like the Valkyries. They’re my only men. Before I become successful, it’ll be very difficult for me to find a group of soldiers as loyal as them. Therefore, losing even one of them really hurt me.
But what made me hurt most right now was Luna. Seeing her lie on the army’s bed barely breathing, unable to respond to me regardless of how I called out to her hurt me. I held her hand tightly. Her hands were so cold it was akin to holding a block of ice.
Lorana looked at me sternly with her arms folded and desperately said, “Your majesty, you don’t have to hesitate anymore. If you want Luna to live, you must sleep with her. Luna is very important to you, right? What are you going to do on the full-moon night without her?”
“But… but we don’t need to resort to this method do we? Can’t we just kiss?”
Lorana scrubbed her head like a maniac then pointed at Luna and exclaimed, “Does it look like Luna can kiss with you right now?! She can’t breathe right now and you want to kiss?! Are you trying to kill her?! There’s no other way, your majesty. Do you not realise how much danger Luna is in right now?! Do you want to save her or not?!”
“No… no… I do want to save Luna! I must save her! There must be a way! There must be a way! There must be!”
I hugged Luna and kissed her lips firmly. However, Luna didn’t give any reaction. It was just as Lorana said. Luna isn’t even conscious right now. Doing this is the same as blocking off her last airway.
Luna’s expression showed she was suffering painfully. Her weak breaths got blocked by me. I desperately kissed her lips doing my absolute best to transfer my mana to her. Lorana grabbed my hair and yanked me away. She then took Luna away from me. She looked at me enraged and shouted, “Are you trying to kill her?! Didn’t I just say that you would only kill her like that?! Can you calm down?! Why do you refuse to sleep with her?! You two have must’ve done it before, haven’t you?! Why are you holding out now?! What exactly are you resisting against?!”
I looked at Luna in Lorana’s arms blankly. Luna lay in her arms powerlessly. Forget opening her eyes, I almost suffocated her. My heart shuddered as Luna’s small body trembled intensely. It was like Luna’s every breath brought all of my nerves along for the ride. I looked at Luna in pain. Every cell in my body was crying like all of my meridians were going to crumble to bits.
I don’t want… I don’t want… I don’t want to see someone by my side die in front of me again. I don’t want it to happen again… I don’t want to…… I never want to!
But why don’t I want to do it with Luna? It’s not our first time. We’ve done it multiple times before. Why am I against it now……? No, not now. I was against it after I got married……
Why……? Why did I become reluctant to even meet Luna after I got married? Why do I have these feelings where I want to run away? Why am I so against making contact with Luna? Just why?
Lorana looked at me and thundered, “Just what are you doing, your majesty?! It’s just a process to save her, so why are you running away from it?! Are you concerned about betraying Nier and Lucia?! Why do you feel that you’re betraying them?! It’s because you have feelings for Luna! It’s because you have feelings for Luna but never admitted it! You wouldn’t be so hesitant if you didn’t have feelings for her! Did you want to give her a title afterwards?!!”
Lorana placed Luna gently onto the bed then looked at me and firmly said, “Your majesty, if you have feelings for Luna, toss that crooked sense of loyalty in love aside for now. This is not the time for you to be hung up on your love or whatnot. You don’t need to give Luna a title afterwards either. I wouldn’t think Luna hopes to be given a legitimate title. But right now, she needs your help to live!”
“Your majesty, with you by my side, the stars in the sky are always so pretty.”
I honestly never said that.
Luna looked so blissful when she said that. Her eyes shimmered like crystals under the light of the stars. They shined no less bright than the stars in the sky. Her faint smile of bliss when she said that made my heart beat faster.
Luna has been by my side for a long time. She’s as close as Nier is to me. As a matter of fact, she’s by my side even when Nier isn’t. I kept saying how I didn’t know how I felt toward Luna but I think I understand them a little now. And that is, I like Luna.
We both need each other. We both need warmth from each other. We stargazed at the same stars together but why did I always avoid my feelings for her? I like Luna so why do I avoid her gaze? Luna and I should be most aware of our feelings for each other. We’re also aware that we can’t be together.
There’s no way Elizabeth and Vyvyan will accept Luna. Luna herself also knows that she can’t be with me. That’s why she chose to be my personal servant to stay by my side and look after me. I avoided Luna because I felt sorry for not being able to reciprocate her love for me and I was running away from the guilt of betraying Nier and Lucia.
Am I going to continue running away like this? Am I going to let Luna die in front of me because of my guilt and apologetic feelings? I can’t give Luna a title. I can’t give her anything in this desert filled with hopelessness and slaughter. Luna was once a public tool people used to vent and relieve themself. If I don’t give her a title, will her history repeat itself for her?
I didn’t save Luna just to make her relive her past!
But right now, Luna……
“I understand now……”
I clenched my teeth, looked at Lorana and softly said, “Please leave…… I shall save Luna. I won’t let Luna die in front of me. I have to make sure she gets through this even if she’s displeased or has complaints about what I do. I would rather she slap me across the face than let her leave me like this.”
“Is that so?” Lorana nodded then walked to the tent’s entrance. She then turned her head around and added, “I believe that she won’t hit you or complain. You two are like Tarak and Nara after all, except that your fate is a little sadder……”