“Son, wait a moment.”
After dinner, I made a small bow and went to leave. However, just as I went to leave, mom called out to me.
I turned around. Mom wiped her mouth with her napkin. She then looked at me and asked: “Did you kill at the palace gates today?”
I nodded and nonchalantly replied: “Yes.”
I put on my new cape. The one covered in blood had been thrown away. It’s probably with those corpses already. I don’t care who they are, who their father is, or who their grandfather is. If they’re relatively troublesome, it’s better to just kill them.
It’s pointless to show their kind kindness. They aren’t my servants. They didn’t swear loyalty to me. The best way to get that kind to show respect is to shed blood instead of showing them respect.
Mom looked at me and asked: “Can you tell me your reason for killing them?”
I looked at mom and replied: “Because they insulted Luna.”
Mom revealed a smile of approval, nodded and said: “You’re not in the wrong. My dear son, if an emperor’s people are insulted, it’s the same as insulting the emperor himself. Son, you made the right decision in this matter. It’s just that you shocked me since you weren’t like this in the past.”
“If it was me of the past, I would’ve allowed Luna to continue suffering their insults.” I looked at mom. I lowered my head, clenched my fists tightly, clenched my teeth and said: “You can’t protect with kindness. I want to protect and to get revenge, so I want power…… I want power where no one can question me……”
“You will obtain it, son. If you continue to tread this path, you may see more bloodshed, however, when you emerge, you will emerge as an outstanding king.” Mom looked at me. Her gaze was somewhat complicated to explain. It contained a hint of comfort, but also a hint of sadness. She wiped her hands and stood up. She walked over and gently pulled me into her embrace, and then quietly said: “But, but when you’re tired and frustrated, mommy will always be behind you. Mommy will hold you like this forever.”
I breathed in mom’s scent. The scent stimulated my nose, causing me to almost tear up. I desperately controlled my eye lids. I can’t cry. I swore that night that I would never cry again, that I would not let those around me cry, and that I would not let anyone insult those around me. I want to protect the people by my side with my own power.
I know about Luna’s past. I know what Luna once went through. And I know what she was once like. But Luna as I know her now got picked on today right in front of my eyes. Luna then grabbed onto me with despair silently as if the world had ended.
She lost her bright smile completely.
When I returned to my room, I called out, and Luna stood up from her chair to the side. She forced a smile and walked over. She struggled to utter: “I apologise for not welcoming you, your majesty.”
“It’s fine. More importantly, why are you crying again?” I gently cupped Luna’s face and gently wiped away her tears. Luna closed her eyes and in a hoarse voice said: “It’s nothing, your majesty…… It is just…… I recalled the past…… The people…… The two people I saw today….. made me think of……”
“You don’t need to think about the past, Luna.” I looked at Luna and in a soft voice continued, “You are my close servant. You are no longer the you of the past.”
“Your majesty… am I… filthy…? Every time… every time… every time I bath… I hate my body……” Luna’s tears came out of her closed eyes. She lost her voice in her sobs. Her petite powerless body leaned onto mine as she cried.
“No, Luna, it’s not your fault. Don’t cling to the past. It’s not your fault. You are now my close servant. I won’t let something like that happen again. I’ll always protect you, I promise. You’re the only one that’s loyal to me of all the people around me. You’re the only person I’ve saved. I only… have you by my side……”
I hugged Luna tightly. When I was writhing in pain, it was Luna who gave me warmth. When I had nothing, Luna was the only one who held me. Nier isn’t mine at the end of the day. Nier is always thinking of her majesty. But Luna, only Luna thinks of me.
“Thank you… thank you… your majesty… thank you… You are the only one who is willing to protect me. You are the only one who shows me a smile. You are the only one who does not lust after my body. You are the only one who treated me with dignity. You are my hero, and my entire world…… So… I beg you… right now……”
Luna raised her head with her face covered in tears. Her green eyes reflected the light from the fire. She grabbed my chest tightly and tippy-toed up.
Her soft yet ice cold lips felt like a peck. I looked at her blankly. Luna looked at me and hugged me tightly. She buried her head in my chest and softly said: “I beg… please hold me… now…… If I have you…… If you do not think poorly of me… please hold me… I do not want to be tormented by the past anymore… I… I won’t have nightmares… if I am in your arms……”
I looked at Luna’s face and Luna looked at me. She smiled helplessly and said: “Your majesty… please do not be disgusted with me……”
After that, I had a night I would never forget. Under the moonlight, Luna’s body was so beautiful. Luna’s kiss was so cold. I could only feel Luna’s sadness and despair under the moonlight. Maybe that was her past. She moved around on another person’s hips, moaned while mounting someone, but this time must be her most blissful one because we intertwined our fingers and never once let go that night despite how crazy we went.
I looked at Luna who was naked in my arms. I smiled helplessly and said: “Sorry, Luna. I certainly won’t be able to……”
“I understand, your majesty.” Luna smiled meekly and continued, “I know that you cannot possibly marry me. However, I am already very happy to be able to do this sort of thing with the man I love. I truly feel happy. This is enough, your majesty… This… is enough…… It’s okay if you forget what happened tonight as well, your majesty.”
“Your majesty, if you are alright with it… can I share with you some of my past? Once I have let it out, I will not be afraid of my past again……”
That night, I learnt about the suffering a person could go through. Gangbanged by a group of men. Forced abortions after she was pregnant by crushing her child, and then picking the shattered flesh out. And they didn’t stop. Not even an hour later, she was rocking her body atop a fatty. What I heard froze my entire body.
However, Luna wore an agonised smile and continued nonchalantly as though she was discussing the weather tomorrow. She told me about her hopeless past, her pain and her past.
I couldn’t help myself from locking her in my embrace. She was the same age as Lucia, yet she had gone through so much suffering that most would never experience in an entire lifetime. She was just a small girl. How much had she been through? How much had she put up with? It’s a miracle that’s she’s lived until now.
“It’s fine… your majesty……” Luna smiled as she shuffled upwards on my chest. She softly said: “It’s all in the past now… It’s all in the past now…… Now and in the future… you will be the only one by my side… I will be able to have the most gentle and kind person in this world that you are by my side……”
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