You Got Drunk After Two Sniffs. You Can’t Drink for Shit
The flower lanterns ascended to the sky, while the shadow of the moon obscured things.
Our small team of three strolled along a four way intersection towards the South of the capital.
Dongpo Restaurant is to the East of the capital, and the Eight Deities Tavern is to the West of the capital. But because of Su Xiao’s objections, we ended up going to the fucked up South of the capital.
I insisted on eating braised pork shoulders with soy sauce, but Su Xiao would rather die than agree. We argued for-and-against back-and-forth but couldn’t reach a conclusion. In the end, we didn’t go to Dongpo Restaurant or the Eight Deities Tavern, instead, we went to the third place I recommended.
This place is a relatively secluded unlike big restaurants like the Eight Deities Tavern or Dongpo Restaurant. This place is just a small restaurant. The interior decorations and furniture are relatively plain. In fact, the tables and chairs are somewhat dirty. The weather today is perfect for an outing but this place is dead as usual.
People who haven’t been here before probably don’t know its good points, but I can attest that this place has great dishes.
This place has a special name: Years like Blades.
“Stop!” Su Xiao suddenly had a thought that there was more to the name and asked: “Years like Blades? What blades?”
I laughed smugly and said: “Hmph, ask them yourself.”
The shopkeeper across from us heard Su Xiao’s question, snorted and said: “Sui Yue* is the name of a knife used to butcher pigs!”
Su Xiao couldn’t believe his ears. He looked at me and asked: “We’ve come all the way to the South and you still managed find a place to eat braised pork shoulders with soy sauce?!”
I glared at him and retorted: “Don’t crap out of your mouth. There’s no braised pork shoulder with soy sauce here! There’s only braised pork feet here!”
“Isn’t that the same thing?!”
WHAT?! How dare you, you ignorant punk! How dare you insult braised pork shoulders with soy sauce and braised pork feet!
Tang Ye ignored us and sat down first: “I’m covering the drinks, and Su Xiao’s covering the food, correct?”
“Mixed pork feet flowers, Dongpo pork shoulders, gold pork cheeks, spicy pig waists… Why is everything pork?!” Su Xiao looked at me with contempt and said: “I want something light!”
“Eat this then.” I chucked him the cucumber in my hand that I’d eaten half of.
Su Xiao went red in the face. He threw it back at me and said: “What are you trying to imply by giving me this?! You’re the one that’s a sulking lady! I’m a man!”
Shit! You’re quite knowledgeable, young man!
I see that you’re very dirty-minded!
“Waiter! I want this, this, this, and this…” I ignored him and ordered a whole series of dishes I’d wanted to eat for a long time but couldn’t of my thin wallet.
“Brother Ming! You’re not allowed to order so much pork shoulders! Waiter, give him a bowl of soup, a small plate of vegetables… Actually, peanuts will do.”
“Are you feeding a chicken?!”
Tang Ye ordered his wine while we weren’t paying attention. He’s usually quiet and says very little. I wonder how he holds his liquor. I think I detected a hint of discomfort on the shopkeeper’s face as though the restaurant was in a chaotic mess.
I quickly asked the waiter what he ordered. When he told me what he ordered, I almost spat the cucumber in my mouth out.
“What did you order ten jugs of green bamboo leaves for?!”
The waiter panicked and said: “Our green bamboo leaves are different to other places. It’s much stronger. Just a few drinks will make you drunk. Usually people buy in cups.”
Tang Ye replied: “It’s fine, just bring out what I ordered.”
Su Xiao clapped his hands and said: “Great! Great! We’re usually always on missions. We finally get to have a drink today.”
Forget Tang Ye, Su Xiao can drink now?!
I planned to get both of them drunk today! But now… Aren’t I the one that’s going to end up getting drunk?
The waiter tiresomely brought the jugs over one by one: “Your wine is here!” He then placed three large bowls on our table. He looked at us as if our bellies were going to transform into wine barrels and looked at us with a gaze of worship.
Tang Ye opened the lid and lifted up the jug of wine. The strong alcoholic scent filled the air like it was travelling along a transparent thread that immediately captured our hearts.
I gulped down my saliva.
Well, screw it, it’s not like I’m paying, I’m just going to enjoy it.
Tang Ye filled up the three bowls and placed one in front of each of us. He then raised his own bowl.
Su Xiao was acting like a mouse as he raised his bowl with two hands, sniffed the alcohol and then put on a blissful smile all of a sudden.
I then raised my bowl too.
“Alright. We’ve been a team for half a month now. Thank you brothers and sisters, I mean, brothers for looking after me. In future, we shall work together, and share the burdens and fortunes together. To our bright futures and friendship, cheers.”
I finally finished giving my embarrassing speech.
I raised my bowl up and knocked it back. Mmm~ it sure tastes great! I one-shot the bowl and blew all my air out after as though this didn’t count as a drink.
“Ha! This wine is strong! You guys…”
I saw two guys pass out before even taking a sip. Their heads banged on the table, and when I checked, they were out cold.
You guys got drunk just sniffing it! You guys can’t drink for shit!
Oh well, now I don’t have to go out of my way to get them drunk.
I continued eating and drinking at the table. I ate the dishes and drank the wine as they were served up. And of course I ordered the pork feet that that Su Xiao stopped me from ordering.
I belched loudly. I cleared all the dishes on the table and finished all ten jugs of wine.
The two kids were out cold, and missed out on the dishes and the wine.
Time to get on with business.
I got up and said: “You, the one hiding over there, come out.”
A few large looking men came out from the dark alley. The leader of the group was very tall. Judging by his breathing pattern, he should’ve learnt the Qi Hardening technique, and Golden Armour type of arts. The others were nothing compared to him.
The leader took big strides towards me while laughing loudly, and said: “You three must be the three my master are after. Announce yourself so that I don’t waste my time. I don’t like to ask questions.”
My table was at a dark obscure corner. The light from street lamps didn’t reach this location, and since I was looking down, he didn’t see what I looked like.
I kept silent.
“Didn’t I just say I don’t like to ask questions?”
He laughed hideously and threw his fist towards my face. He was aggressive and his strike caused a ripple in the wind that sounded like the cry of a night owl, while the force was like lightning strike. His strike was powerful, but his fist turned soft part way through.
I caught his jelly-like body because he passed out and tossed him aside.
Before he churned up his qi, he got struck by my palm strike. Because my strike hit his meridians, he was going to be out for three days, and he shouldn’t remember anything after waking up.
I shot a glance at the other four who were still clueless as to what happened.
“Your master is in bad luck, I’m not free today.”
Before the look of surprise in their eyes disappeared, I attacked with a palm strike which split into four directions and entrapped them. All four of them passed out in an instant without knowing what happened.
There was nothing special about my palm strike. I just boosted it with my internal energy from Yijin Jing and executed it quickly. If you could take that instant and split it into four different intervals, you could probably get a clearer picture of what I mean. The four of them got hit one by one.
Before they passed out, I caught a glimpse of their eyes which showed that they had no idea what was going on, as well as the fear you feel when something exceeds your comprehension. The look in their eyes reminded me of the old days.
Back then… But doesn’t everybody look at me like that anyway?
I looked up at the moon in the night sky.
I think the moon had a clear colour like that back then too.
There are a lot of other things I have to do tonight.
I’d better get moving.
After two steps, I turned around and yelled to the shopkeeper: “Shopkeeper! The bill for the meal will be paid by the maiden inside~”
The shopkeeper ran out after, glanced at the sweet sleeping Su Xiao who was smiling like an idiot and said: “Okay~ it’s your treat!”
*岁月(Sui Yue) = Years; the original phrase used here is岁月如刀
BONUS: More Ming Suwen artwork. The author has said he will be getting one piece of artwork for one character each week. This one was chosen among many entries. The artist is 三笙如月 (San Sheng Ru Yue; Three Reedpipes like the Moon). If you want more artwork from San Shen Ru Yue and can access Weibo, the artist’s Weibo account is: http://weibo.com/u/3164919203
You can also find more of the artists works by baidu or googling 三笙如月
Archer, after a long wait and no response from Lee TaiBai, I looked through San Sheng Ru Yue’s collection and he/she was also the one behind the other Ming Suwen piece. Took a long time, but we found out in the end.