Completely Green
‘Bai Lian… has breasts?’
I couldn’t take my eyes off Bai Lian when the cloth around her chest came undone. I could see the deep valley. Who would expect to see a pair of fruits exclusive to spring when we were in winter? Her narrow hips highlighted her curves on top. As soon as the cloth came undone, the two fruits jiggled. I was totally dumbstruck; the scene replayed in my head over and over.
According to what old medical manuals stated, men could grow their own version of breasts under certain conditions. I thought it was a profound case hard to prove. Did I just witness proof of it, I wondered. I shook the thought out of my head right after the thought surfaced. That was impossible. Regardless of how she wrapped herself, those were way too much. Su Xiao, on the other hand, could pull it off.
‘Hmm, I wonder if General Manager Bai’s situation is a rare and hard to treat case. Although the medical manual came from my shifu, so I do have doubts as to whether he mixed it up with one of his porn books, what if the manual was factual? Thinking back on it, the contents were bizarre to say the least. But if it was factual, General Manager Bai might be waiting for me to save her!’
Okay, I’m done with my bullshit.
Anyhow, Bai Lian blushed and screamed as she shoved me aside and fled. Her embarrassment took up all of her mental resources. After a few steps, she stopped, as she didn’t know which way to go. With her wet hair and pants, especially the wet hair on her face, it’d be unusual if people weren’t watching her as she ran.
“Hey, no looking!” I shouted.
I used Yijin Jing’s internal energy technique to give everyone around a headache. I used their moment of distraction to catch up to Bai Lian and drag her to somewhere with less people around by her arm. Because I grabbed one arm, she only had one arm covering her chest, leading to her going red in the face. Frantic and unable to think, she stammered, “D-Don’t look…”
“I won’t. I won’t. Are you just going to stand there in this state, though?”
I dragged Bai Lian to a wonton stall and sat her down. I shot everyone around a violent glare, warning them not to look.
Bai Lian tried harder to cover her chest: “There are too many people here. I…”
Bai Lian’s voice tapered off until I could barely hear an utterance. She looked at me as if she could die from embarrassment. I tried to scare the people off through shouting, but I couldn’t stop everyone’s right to appreciate a beauty.
Bai Lian’s natural charm and wet white clothes made her look more alluring than women deliberately trying to flaunt their bodies. There was enough to see to fantasise.
“It’s cold. Wear this to warm up first. Hey, Boss, give me two bowls of wonton! Have some warm soup to warm up.” I draped my overcoat over Bai Lian before she actually died from embarrassment. I apologetically explained, “I only intended to show you my bamboo tube water dragon skills. I didn’t intend to get you wet. I swear I don’t have a wet-clothes fetish.”
Trying to explain increased my suspicion; however, based on my recent conversations with General Manager Bai as of recent, I figured it was necessary.
General Manager Bai felt a lot warmer thanks to my coat and the bowl of hot soup, I assumed. I think she was more likely pale because she was startled. Either way, sitting around wasn’t going to solve anything. I looked around for a clothing store.
I noticed Bai Lian’s hands moving about underneath my coat. I couldn’t say for sure if she was trying to bind her chest again or what. Once she was done with whatever she was doing, she glanced over to me furtively and stammered in a soft voice, “I’m not that cold. You don’t need to be so tense.”
I completely forgot General Manager Bai’s internal style focused on yin energy, which was cold energy, so she wasn’t as prone to feeling cold as I assumed.
“Ah,” I suddenly exclaimed.
Bai Lian looked up: “What’s the matter?”
I touched my left index finger and grumbled, “I have some bamboo stuck in my hand. It must’ve been when I was playing with the bamboo t-, I meant the counterfeit bamboo tube.”
Bai Lian chuckled: “Where? I’ll pull it out for you.”
“Really?” I stretched my hand out to Bai Lian.
Bai Lian carefully scanned my palm and pondered. I exclaimed, “What are you, a hand fortune reader? Look for it, already!”
Bai Lian heat of embarrassment passed on her face; she seemed tenser than before: “I’m looking for it right now. Stop interrupting me!”
Bai Lian began searching for the piece of bamboo stuck in my hand. It didn’t take her long to find and extract it. When she pulled it out, though, she saw where my gaze was trained. I was examining the profoundness of the new valley I discovered. I wondered how heavy the mountains were to hold up with the bandage.
“Pervert.” Bai Lian grumpily stabbed the bamboo straight back in… She pulled it out and stabbed it back in… She pulled it out and stabbed it back in…
“What are you doing?!”
“Your fault! Where do you think you’re looking?!”
I was speechless. I couldn’t tell the truth, could I?
Since I didn’t respond, Bai Lian panicked: “Just where were you looking at?”
“Looking at what? What about just now?”
“I meant… meant when my clothes were wet. What did you see?”
I still couldn’t shift my eyes away. Having a retarded moment, I replied, “You talking about your breasts?”
“…”
I suddenly felt awkward. I also sensed intense killing intent from my side.
“Wh-What are you talking about?”
“What are you panicking for?” As a gentleman, I wore on a pitiful look and patted Bai Lian on the shoulder: “Don’t worry. You’ll be able to treat the condition sooner or later.”
I then perfectly timed a thumbs up to give Bai Lian encouragement. You see, you need to be proactive about seeing doctors.
Bai Lian bit down on her lips as though she wanted to explain something but refrained. Somewhat angry, she lowered her head.
“General Manager Bai, don’t fret. Growing breasts is nothing to be embarrassed about. See a doctor; they might be able to help. Worse comes to worse, just leave it alone. You have bigger breasts than women, so what? If you can’t get laid, at least you can play with yourself, huh?”
Bai Lian bit down on her lips and mumbled a few things, but I only heard, “Go…”
“Go? Where to?”
“To hell!”
When Bai Lian looked up again, tears had seemingly welled up in her eyes. She started smacking my face. I covered my face and cried “ouch”. Meanwhile, she kept firing off: “Idiot! Stupid! Liar! Go die!”
After landing four big slaps on me, Bai Lian stamped off. She didn’t look back or show hesitation this time. The palace was closed at that hour; nevertheless, for eunuch out on business, there was sojourn outside the palace. I doubted she’d return to the inn. I sighed, and then I furtively followed after her until she crossed a street and reached a commoner’s place. The eunuchs there were surprised to see her. I was relieved to see them respectfully greet her and let her through.
Sure, it was bright with all the lanterns on the streets. Still, it was late at night, winter and she was wearing wet clothing. I couldn’t let a maiden walk around by herself in those conditions. How could I not be worried?
What? Why you giving me that look? Oh, about Bai Lian being a girl? I knew that. You call that a secret?”
“Give me a stick,” I arrogantly demanded of the fellow selling candy haws. “Give me the luxurious hawthorn plus snow pear flavour. Add some extra honey.”
That flavour showed low-key luxury.
“Sure. Here. I just finished making it.”
I had a lick before I went on an aimless stroll on the street.
I pretty much knew Bai Lian was a girl from our first meeting. To be precise, I knew she was physically a girl. I hugged and kissed her the first time we met, after all. I’d have to be beyond retarded to not realise she was a girl after being that intimate, right? She didn’t consider herself a girl despite physiologically being a girl. That was a problem.
Unlike girls who dressed up as boys with a purpose in mind, Bai Lian grew up a eunuch. Accordingly, she considered herself a eunuch. Personally, I respect an individual’s choice. If she believed she was a eunuch, then I respected that choice. I, consequently, never intended to put that in the open.
Bai Lian was out of her eunuch character for the day. As the day went on, she made less and less effort to hide her gender. Her smile and gestures were all expressed as a girl. I was going to take the chance to ask why she disguised herself as a eunuch until the wet clothing incident. I’d have to sacrifice my innocence and deal with being called a creep if I wanted to find out the truth… That’s a rip off! I decided to look for another appropriate opportunity.
What? Why was I surprised when I already knew? Come on. She was in the palace and among eunuchs… You really expect her to sport such a generous bosom? Without the cloth binding her chest, compared to Princess Hongzhuang, she’d, at least, cough, cough, nothing. That is a scholastic discussion.
Chomping on candy haws and thinking about random things, I eventually found myself already at Liu Shan Men. I still couldn’t return to Liu Shan Men according to His Majesty’s imperial edict. In saying that, I hadn’t seen Young Shiyi in days. I needed to drop in and say hi. Thus, I sneaked into Liu Shan Men and to Young Shiyi’s door.
I stopped myself when I went to knock. I had a number of questions running through my mind. I didn’t give Young Shiyi a heads up before I left, and I had been gone for days… Surely she was mad. As long as she didn’t know what happened, I was safe… Once she knew I went to the temple fair with Bai Lian, a girl, and spent time with her on the job… she’d probably skin me. Can you blame me for hesitating? In the end, I stood at the door.
Suddenly, I heard Young Shiyi say, “Yeah? You like me? I like you, too.”
Rumble! The shock was comparable to lightning suddenly striking.
“I bathed already, so I’m not bathing again.”
‘Bathing? Bath-the-fuck-what?! Wait, who is Young Shiyi talking to? What’s up with the conversation?’
I heard Young Shiyi giggle: “You… strip first.”
‘Don’t you fucking strip! I don’t want the green hat!’
“Or I’ll strip.”
‘You’re stripping first?! Don’t do it! I don’t want to have a head of green hair!’
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