Liu Shan Men and the Three Departments – Have Some Soy Bean Milk
I vaulted over the wall, contemplating which route to take to Wuying Hall. I was mid landing and planning to begin my search, but…
“Aaahh!”
As soon as I vaulted over, a pretty boy roughly thirteen to fourteen blankly looked up at me. He held on to a…
‘Is that a spiked mace?!’
The boy shrieked, and then swung the mace at me as he stepped back owing to his anxiety.
‘Shit me! Do you have to be that vicious?! And watch where you’re swinging it!!’
I used my qi to elevate myself thirty centimetres back up in order to avoid a mace splattering me! However, my manoeuvre stunned him. Face red, he opened his mouth and shut it multiple times until he eventually stammered, “M-Monster! Sister Lian! There’s a monster!”
Oh, and he began to swing the mace wildly again. I could feel the wind generated hit me in the face each time. I had to bob and weave my head then circle around to his rear.
The boy was dumbstruck, yet he switched to a double-hand grip and continued swinging the mace. He swung it behind him without even looking back. The kid’s reaction was unwelcomingly fast! He was too short, and his reach was too short compared to me, unfortunately. I chopped the section of the mace without spikes, grabbed on to the reverse side and snatched it from him.
The mace was notably heavy. It was sized for an adult martial artist. A rough estimate would be ten to twelve kilograms. The kid’s arm strength was impressive for his age; he was able to swing it without any hitches. With the correct guidance and training, he would grow up to embody astounding might.
He was dumbstruck when he looked down to his empty hands. Livid, he pointed at me and stomped his foot: “Wh-Wh-What insolence! How dare you snatch my spiked mace?!”
I didn’t expect him to throw a fit over having his spiked mace snatched… More importantly, I couldn’t figure out what a kid was doing at Cold Palace. He wore the uniform of imperial guards if I was correct. The only imperial guards in the palace who could move about freely in the palace were trained by the Emperor’s Entourage…
‘Shit, don’t tell me he’s a second generation official.’
I surveyed the immediate surroundings to see swords, sabres, spears, halberds and whatnot littered on the ground. Swinging a weapon around in the palace was a crime but all eighteen?
‘You know what? Getting out of here is the best strategy. His Majesty is waiting for me!’
“Who… are you?” asked the kid, frigidly frowning and imposing his aura. “Sister Lian said there are some things one can’t possibly do. She said that no matter how skilled one may be, once they have maximised their output, they can’t produce more force. How did you elevate yourself thirty centimetres back up when you were falling? Wh-Who exactly are you? I’m not afraid of you.”
He cowered after saying that, revealing his nature as a kid.
“Your sister told you a commonly applied concept in martial arts. It’s correct,” I stated. I poked the ground with the spiked mace, cracking it and sinking it deep enough for it to stand steady. I casually elaborated, “However, internal arts never obeyed common sense. I know more than thirty internal styles for using old force to produce new force or storing force within yourself to deal with various sticky situations. Shaolin, Wudang, Emei and even the Demon Sect have their own version. They aren’t rare methods by any means. As for who I am, I’m just a passing… constable.”
The boy didn’t listen to me; his wide eyes were fixed on the spiked mace in the ground.
“Th-That’s crazy.”
“This is nothing!” I furrowed my eyebrows: “This is enough to impress you? Listen: you know of the principle ‘it’s better to receive than attack’? That sort of brute force style would be completely dismantled by a true adept at absorbing force. You can hurl your strongest attack at him, but if your opponent withholds seventy to eighty percent of his strength, you tell me who gets the short end of the stick.”
“It’s better to receive than attack? Really?” Thrilled, the boy eagerly asked, “Really? Can you do it? Teach me please?”
“I…” I stopped myself. If the kid really was an official’s child, it wouldn’t be wise of me to reveal my skills to him: “In short, I need to go to work. I have someone waiting for me. I have no time to play with you, so see you later.”
“W-Wait!” the kid called. “Take this!”
The kid suddenly threw a palm strike at me.
“Huh?”
I casually waved my hand. Then, all I heard was a “waahhh” as he flew into a shrub…
‘Damn, kid… you’re piss weak.’
I didn’t even try. It was just my true qi armour that deflected him. Nobody with a semblance of internal energy foundations bounces off internal energy armour. Be fair. He had impressive strength with the weapons.
‘Does this kid really not know how to use internal strength at all?’
“Hey… you all right?”
I didn’t put much behind my wave, so he instantly crawled out from the shrubs. However, he had several cuts on his face, hands and legs. He also had leaves in his hair, rendering him dishevelled beyond belief. He sat there on the ground and mumbled, “How…?”
He wasn’t low in spirits; he was full of energy. He widened his eyes and asked, “Wh-What’s your name?”
I smiled: “I’m nobody. My name isn’t worth mentioning.”
I suavely spun around. I needed to run. Fast! If somebody caught me bullying a kid, they’d drag me out and punish me in front of the masses, turning me into Liu Shan Men’s disgrace!
“Lord Zi. Y-, ow… Wh-Which palace are you from? Why are you so brash?”
I spun around to leave; unfortunately, I “bumped” into someone and knocked them over. The physique, big white robe and long black hair were all mashed together. However, the most memorable feature was her eyebrows that were seemingly able to speak. Had I not been acquainted with her already, I would’ve thought I ran into a white fox that cultivated into a human beauty to seduce humans. Sadly, because I accidently knocked General Bai over, she was livid.
I didn’t notice the kid when I leapt over the wall, as I was in my own thoughts; it wasn’t easier to pick up on a kid not moving, either. Strangely, I didn’t hear General Manager Bai’s footsteps or breaths when she approached.
Once General Manager Bai got a clear view of me, she thundered, “You again, Ming Feizhen! What are you here for?”
“Uh, I got lost…”
General Manager Bai didn’t buy my lie. She fumed, “You got lost? I was guarding the outside with five palace maids; explain how you managed to ‘lose’ your way in.”
‘How was I supposed to know you were on guard duty outside?! Actually, you’re an imperial household general manager. Why are you here instead of at the conference? If His Majesty can’t summon you when he needs you, you’ll be in major trouble!’
Head still in a mess and explanation still owed, I suddenly heard, “I see an opening! Take this!”
The kid laughed as he ran over to try and palm me!
‘Hey! You still not done?! You couldn’t even penetrate my true qi armour. You won’t palm shit!’
I was too lazy to counter. My true qi would deflect his attack, so I didn’t bother with him. Instead, I helped General Manager Bai up. She, however, ignored me and worried for the kid: “Lord Zi! Why are you hurt? Who hurt you?”
General Manager Bai didn’t realise her hand covered his sight, thereby forcing him to alter his attack trajectory marginally.
Several other maids rushed into the courtyard. They probably couldn’t keep up with General Manager Bai’s pace.
That was how the tragedy happened: General Manager Bai refused to let me help her up. As such, I stood still in place. Because the kid changed the trajectory of his palm, he ended up palming the leather bag of soy bean milk by my waist. As it was full, he ended up bursting it, thereby spraying the soy bean generously. The maids were witnesses to the tragedy. As soon as the five maids arrived, they shrieked.
This is what the maids saw: General Manager Bai in a crouched position with her beautiful small head in line with where my lower hip crease was. The soy bean milk sprayed onto the kid’s face and General Manager Bai’s face…
…
‘Hmm, did I just get two faces?’
Glossary
*The kid uses an archaic way of referring to himself, but I don’t have an idea for what that would be in English. Let me know if you do.
**Cold Palace – Basically a chamber/quarter/palace where concubines who fell out of favour with the Emperor were banished to. It was essentially a more comfortable version of a prison cell materialistic-wise.
***Though Bai Lian is referred to as “she” from Ming Feizhen’s point of view, he doesn’t know she’s a girl. We, as readers, tacitly understand he isn’t aware.
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